4/4/22-6/4/23
Watched on: Apple TV+
IMDB synopsis: "The story of how one of the world's most popular video gamesfound its way to players around the globe. Businessman Henk Rogers and Tetrisinventor Alexey Pajitnov join forces in the USSR, risking it all to bringTetris to the masses."
I'm guilty of adding this film because of nostalgia - I played a ton of Tetris on my Gameboy circa 1990ish; it's an awesome game, and as recently as a few years ago, I was playing with it semi-regularly. Learning the true story behind Tetris appealed to me, especially since the film has a strong 7.4 rating on IMDB.
I liked it. The film knows its audience - it's rarely dry (there's late 80's computer graphics explaining things to dumbies like me), lead actor Taron Egerton brings some good energy (without ever going the top), and the set design was first-rate (I'm a sucker for films set in Cold War Russia; it's the history buff in me). As for the story itself, it's good enough; it's hard to make an amazing film about...a business deal (even a weird business deal like this one). And when I did a "fact check" later (spoilers I guess), the whole subplot with an evil KGB agent trying to kill the deal was fiction (which makes the car chase and things like that fiction too). Which is...not terrible. I kind of expected that. Normally, I'd be more upset because the KGB subplot allowed the Tetris drama to connect directly to the fall of the USSR (and even created some moralizing about how people always claim to do what's best for the gander when there's always looking for the goose - a lesson you can never learn enough).
OK, I'm getting off topic. Bottom line: I liked it. Recommended for middle-aged gamers, history buffs, and businessmen (you know who you are).
Rating: 6.5 / 10

Daniel Keyes’ 1966 sci-fi novel tells the story of Charlie Gordon. Charlie is 32, has an IQ of 68, works a menial job in a bakery, gets teased by his co-workers. In a stroke of luck, Charlie is approached by two scientists, undergoes an experiment–already successfully performed on a mouse named Algernon–that slowly takes his IQ from 68 to a whopping 185.
During this period of enlightenment, Charlie experiences the highs of intellectual curiosity. But, just as everything is going well, Algernon gets ill and–spoiler alert–dies.
This foreshadows Charlie’s regression back to his original state. And, just before he loses his enlightenment for good, Charlie asks someone to put flowers on Algernon’s grave.
It’s a great novel, but a sad story. And it’s a story that has parallels with the goings-on at Celtic of late.
Seatbelts on? Then let’s cast our minds back to 2020…

The Botching of the Ten

2020/21 was going to be the year of years. That was when we’d secure ten league title wins on the trot, and gain bragging rights in perpetuity.
The only stumbling block, it seemed, was the raging worldwide pandemic. Coronavirus had cut short the previous season, and in order to keep the games going, clubs were forced into an eerie closed-doors environment - football a capella, without the cheers and jeers of crowds.
Some teams reacted well to the new normal. Some teams didn’t. In the year of years, Celtic looked sluggish on the pitch, and quickly fell behind Rangers in the most important of title races. Why so bad? Rumours of the board reneging on gentlemen’s agreements swirled; the virus created a growing injury list; the compounding effect of poor results drained confidence.
As the weeks went by– and the tenth title slipped further and further away– a defiant manager doubled down on his position. If the results kept going poorly, the manager would resign. He said so himself. The results kept going down. The manager didn’t resign.
Instead, he was ‘bitterly disappointed’ in post-match interview after post-match interview after dropping more points. His refrain echoed that of a doomed predecessor: Tony Mowbray–after a run of bad defeats of his own–said we would all just have to ‘take it on the chin’. But, as Tony found out, there are only so many punches you can take before your chin collapses. Things weren’t looking good.

Purses in fridges CSC

In the middle of all the chaos on the pitch, the board stayed mostly silent off it. When it did speak, it was only to back a beleaguered boss. Angry crowds gathered outside Celtic Park in ugly scenes. The gap between board and fans widened. The chasm hadn’t been this big since the ousting of the Kellys almost thirty years prior.
It got worse. While watching the ten melt away in real time, the manager was putting all our purses in the fridge and telling us we’d stuck them there ourselves. ‘The ten isn’t that important,’ he said. ‘You guys are too entitled.’ What?

Lennon resigns

Eventually, things reached a singularity. Lennon resigned, but it was way too late. We wouldn’t have eternal bragging rights after all. We’d have a summer to chew on the what-ifs, a couple of months to figure out how we were going to climb out of a right mess.
While we were still reeling from a triple-whammy of Dubaigate, Lennogate, Ten-was-never-that-important-anyway-gate, we’d convinced ourselves Eddie Howe was the right man for the job.
Fan speculation fed media conjecture which strengthened fan speculation, and the whole thing gathered a tail-eating momentum that sustained itself for an entire summer, without any confirmation from the club.
We’d also convinced ourselves we’d be getting a shiny new director of football, too, something we all nodded and agreed was a necessity; a safeguard against the sort of shitshow we’d just endured and were still slithering out of.
Fergal Harkin, a City Group guy, was floated as a potential candidate. Then it was somebody else. Actually, it could be this young Man City up-and-comer. At any rate, negotiations with Eddie were going pretty well behind the scenes. There was just the small quibble over his backroom staff, all of whom Eddie would be taking up the road. No bother Edward, you bring your mum if it helps; we need you now more than ever.

Howe no?

As the summer dragged on, however, Eddie (nor his mum) were anywhere to be seen. He certainly wasn’t draped in a green-n-white scarf on the steps at Celtic Park, giving a motivational maiden speech à la Martin or Brendan.
On 28 May 2021, the club released this statement:
‘Following very positive and detailed discussions with Eddie Howe, with the belief that he would be an excellent candidate for the position of Celtic Manager, we allowed time for the process, given he’d previously made it clear he was not looking to return to management until this summer at the earliest.
We can now confirm that Eddie will not be joining the Club, for reasons outwith both his and Celtic’s control. We wish Eddie success for the future.’
Instead, we learned, the board would be appointing *checks notes* Ange Postecoglu as manager.
This appointment–coupled with the failed acquisition of Eddie Howe–seemed on-brand. Were the club custodians actually saboteurs? As fans, what other conclusion could we draw?

The Experiment begins

In the wake of the managerial announcement, fans fired up their internet machines and looked to Japan for the first time since Naka left. Just who was this Ange fellow? Apparently he had managed a number of Australian clubs, guided the national team to the 2014 World Cup, and won the Japanese league with Yokohama F. Marinos.
FollowFollow and Rangers Twitter rubbed its hands with glee. Get ready for 56, they gloated.
They had a point. We needed a marquee signing to help us get over a disastrous season, and the board have cheaped out with some random Aussie.
Soon after his arrival, Ange’s compatriots flooded fan forums to pour water on the flames of indignation. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, they said, but you’ve caught a winner in Ange. Honestly, they said. Give him a while to settle in, and you’ll see, you’ll all see.
They promised even more riches in season two. That’s when Ange really gets going, they said.
Year two? It’s only day fucking two, lads. We’ve got a bunch of players who want to leave, and nobody has any faith this board can tie their shoelaces, never mind appoint a good coach. Cheers for the words of encouragement, but let’s suspend judgement.

The Enlightenment

The Ange experiment didn’t start well. We lost the first three league games, still had those wantaway players at the club, and were looking at the prospect of another long season ahead.
Footage of Ange directing training sessions appeared online. He told the players ‘we never stop’. It sounded like faux-motivational twaddle.
But then. Wantaway players got their moves. A Japanese contingent arrived to take their place, and it turned out they were all class at football. Games destined for draws became last-gasp wins.
The Aussies were right. Things were changing for the better. We never stop wasn’t just empty rhetoric. It was a philosophy stamped into a team playing their hearts out for a man whose system had transformed our fortunes in a short space of time.
In a blink, we’d won the league cup and regained a title. We never stop appeared on hoardings, on Twitter, on t-shirts. If the Aussies were right about Ange, then his second season in charge would be even better. All this seemed scarcely believable, just one year out from the worst season in living memory.

Today

Not even a week on from recording a world-record 8 domestic trebles, Ange’s second season in charge was better than the first. However, instead of enjoying unalloyed celebrations, we're mourning the loss of our manager.

The Regression?

Now Ange has left, thoughts will immediately turn to his successor. Who will we get? The longer it takes to announce his replacement, the more time there’ll be for the type of speculation that fans and media generated around Eddie Howe in the vacuum of concrete knowledge.
For me, the most pressing question is whether or not the board got lucky with Ange. Did they know he was a success story just waiting to happen? Or was he a third-choice gamble that paid off without their involvement?
Who knows. But if the board hasn’t learned from the disastrous 2020/21 campaign, then we’ll be in the same situation now as we were back then. The only difference is we'll be starting from a position of strength heading into the unknown.
In a way that’s much scarier than the 2020/21 season. That’s because 2020/21 was an outlier, albeit a painful one. It was a sliver of doom bookended by great success.

More than a club

In any event, now Ange has left we’ll do what we always do when heroes leave the club: we’ll continue supporting it. When Larsson left, it seemed like we’d never recover. When the 1967 European Cup-winning team dissolved gradually over time, it was heartbreak for the fans who watched it happen.
And now, as another hero leaves, it’s a sore one. But remember, no matter how much a player or coach professes to love Celtic–with a couple of rare exceptions–they’ll never love Celtic as much as I do or you do.
When you keep that in mind, it’s easy not to get swept away in the idea of everlasting players or managers.
Let’s just hope, no matter what happens, we don’t regress.

a big problem for me over the past few years was when I smoked (especially at night) i would just start eating literally everything in my house until I felt like a stuffed pig and then pass out for a few hours and then wake up in the middle of the night feeling like shit, and then the rest of my sleep would be shit
well last night I actually slept through the whole night and didn't wake up, crazy. interestingly enough i haven't had ANY dreams yet, and I'm on day 3. maybe my dream machine done broke. maybe over the next few days the dreams will start hitting like a freight train, we'll see.
AND i have no desire to stuff myself with crap until I can't move. i had 2 meals at normal times yesterday and i feel great honestly

"Would you like to have a near-death experience? By crossing the boundary between life and death."

Yukari Yakumo

Themes:

• Necrofantasia:
  
• Night Falls ~ Evening Star: 7.5, 10.5, 15.5
  
• Yorimashi Between Dreams and Reality ~ Necro-Fantasia
  

Yukari Yakumo is a legendary youkai with the ability to manipulate boundaries. She is one of the sages who created Gensokyo in the first place, and a good contender for its most powerful resident. Despite this she is also exceptionally lazy, spending most of her time sleeping and foisting most of the problems off on Reimu or Ran. Still, her incredible intelligence and completely inhuman nature means one can never tell quite what she's thinking, and making her angry is a very bad idea.

Notes

• Source Index
  
• Perfect Memento in Strict Sense and Symposium of Post Mysticism is an in universe book written by Hidea no Akyuu. She has a tendency to exaggerate and speculate, so her claims should be taken with a grain of salt.
  
• Yukari herself is noted to lie quite a lot, so her own claims should also be taken with a grain of salt.
  
• In 15.5 Yukari makes use of the urban legend Teke Teke, but her attacks while using this urban legend are fairly in line with her normal capabilities. As it's unclear what effect the Urban legend is having, these feats will be included in this section but marked with Occult
  
• Yukari scales to a large number of characters, so here is every Touhou respect thread for the games
  

Defining Some Terms

Spell Card System: The Spell Card Rules were put in place by Reimu Hakurei in order to make duels between everyone fair, formalized, and safe. It is also the method nearly all Touhou characters will use in-character. Spell card battles have very clearly defined rules and attacks that are agreed upon before a duel with the purpose being that the most beautiful attacks win. In general Spell Cards are characters going easy on the foe, with ZUN outright stating they're not something the characters would ever use if they were serious.

• Given the original rules of spell card battles and a characters being introduced to the spell card system stating it would prevent useless bloodshed, there is at least a decent amount of implication that Spell Card battles are inherently non-lethal.

Danmaku: Danmaku are the "bullets" fired in a bullet hell, take many different forms, and are able to be fired by most Gensokyo citizens. They're an essential part of duels in Gensokyo, being used to control an opponent's movement and overwhelm them. They can either be fired in intricate patterns, or just fired rapidly from a single point.

• Danmaku is intentionally not efficient or effective for serious combat
  
• Danmaku in general can be lethal to normal humans
  
• Danmaku from major characters is very consistently able to break rock
  
  • Seija is considered notably weak
  • Sanae is considered nothing special as far as humans in Gensokyo are concerned

Youkai: Supernatural beings typically born from humanity's fear of the unknown, and the primary residents of Gensokyo. Youkai can be highly varied, but tend to be highly resistant to physical attacks while far more weak to spiritual attacks, such as names and traditions.
Gensokyo: Genoskyo is the region Touhou takes place in, and is a small landlocked region of Japan. It is fully enclosed by the Great Hakurei Barrier (more information bellow). The clearest picture of it shows it containing a few mountains, with it also being noted Gensokyo is small enough to see almost all of it from the Hakurei shrine

• The Sages of Genoskyo (of which Yukari is a member) are the beings responsible for the creation and maintenance of Gensokyo

Urban Legend Incident: Due to the occult balls various Urban Legends begin to manifest in Gensokyo, and some characters are capable of controlling an urban legend in battle that matches their tempermant. It's worth noting that the effects are present even after the occult balls are removed from Gensokyo though Reisen notes it will soon settle down.

Boundary Manipulation

General Description: Summarized, Yukari's power allows her to manipulate the boundary between any two things.This can apply both to physical boundaries (such as between Gensokyo and the outside world), or even the boundary of concepts (such as human and youkai or night and day).

• Both her profile and she herself state that she can manipulate the boundary between any and all things
  
• An official magazine says her power can affect anything, and that for narrative purposes she has to limit herself to the spell card rule or it wouldn't even be a game
  
• The manual states the danger and potency of her power is beyond imagination
  
• Akyuu states that her power fundamentally undermines reality. She states that it can create new existence and reject existence, is the most powerful ability held by any youkai. Additionally she states it can be applied to pictures, peoples dreams, and even stories
  

Direct Combat Usage

• Feats/Statements
  
  • Being able to draw boundary lines along surfaces means there is nothing she can not split in two
    • Sumreiko comments on her seemingly cutting space, with opening gaps in space also being her main method of transportation (see below)
  • Her barriers can destroy large amounts of enemy danmaku and damage her foes
  • Creates a large boundary around the entirety of Suika's mist form, and then suddenly makes it much smaller to force her back into her physical form.
    • Suika's mist form covered all of Gensokyo
• General
  
  • Uses a barrier to block enemy danmaku and strikes
  • Creates a boundary line with her strikes to hit her foe
  • A fan granting her powers is able to crash through all obligations, directly hitting a foe while they're guarding
• Skills
  
  • Boundary of Intellect and Feet: Runs a straight boundary to split her foe
  • Universe of Matter and Antimatter: Creates two gaps that do nothing on their own, but when they collide they create a huge distortion attack
• Spell Cards
  
  • Border Sign "Quadruple Barrier": Creates several overlapping boundaries to produce a barrier that can strike foes
  • Sign I "Quadruple Barrier": Another version of the above spell card
  • Barrier "Charming Quadruple Barrier": A larger version of quadruple barrier that sucks the foe in
  • Boundary "Quadruple Barrier of the Imperishable Night": Creates a larger quadruple barrier to protect herself and attack her enemy
  • Border Sign "Boundary of 2D and 3D": Creates a boundary that travels along the screen edge and changes directions to follow the movements of the screen
  • Barrier "Objective Barrier": Fires off four linked borders that travel along the edges of the screen
• Last Word
  
  • [Occult] Lend Me Those Beautiful Legs!: Locks her foe in place with boundary lines and then uses a gap to split them in two before putting them back together

Gaps and Warping

• Feats/Statements
  
  • General
    • Able to travel to entirely different locations by opening up gaps in space, with (according to Akyuu) it being said that this can also access pictures, dreams, and even stories
    • Can open gaps in thin air
    • Opens up a large gap, and is gone when it clears away
    • Repositions a gap to use as a seat
    • Spiriting away Kosuzu doesn't leave a single trail any other youkai can follow to locate her, not even leaving a trace of her soul behind
  • Travel/Range
    
    • Uses gaps in space as her main means of transportation, with her warping around Gensokyo, up youkai mountain, and even to and from heaven (though how direct these trips are isn't clear given how the time of day changes)
    • Reimu states Yukari can travel anywhere she wants to in a flash
    • Is able to freely travel past the Great Hakurei Barrier into the outside world, and pulls Rinnosuke back into Gensokyo after he's accidentally pulled into the outside world
      • Casually travels out of Gensokyo to see cherry blossoms
      • Comments to Mamizou about what's currently going on in Sado
      • Sends Sumireko and dream Sumireko from Gensokyo to the outside world
    • Off screen travels overseas and brings back a Hobgoblin, which she states are a Western creature
    • Instantly sends Marisa from the Hakurei shrine to the forest of magic
    • Easily travels to the netherworld (though in Gensokyo the netherworld is a location you can physically travel to
      • Summons Ran and Chen to her while within the netherworld
    • Suddenly goes from behind Luna to in front of her
    • Disappears to somewhere... literally
    • Placed a gap in a doorway so that Flandre traveled from the Scarlet Devil mansion to deep underground without even realizing she had done so
    • Pulls Sumireko out of the dream world (though Doremy implies this isn't something she's supposed to do normally)
      • Reimu refers to the dream world as another reality that is two sides of the same coin with the real world
      • Is often lurking in the dream world
  • Utility
    
    • Claims to have an undending supply of electricity, kerosene, and nitroglycerin, and fills up Rinnosuke's heater with fuel while having a conversation with him, without him even realizing she had done anything
    • Covertly drops money into the shrine's donation box while having a conversation with Reimu
    • Puts a hand through a gap to block a hammer and grab a gameboy
    • Makes food disappear from right out from under Reimu's nose
    • Summons other characters like Reimu or Chen
    • Reimu implies Yukari can send just some body parts through the Great Hakurei Barrier
    • Left her arm dangling through a gap while asleep, and then puts her hand through another gap to douse a candle
    • Hid some of her own energy inside of a gap to revive herself after having all of her magical energy drained by Mizuchi's possession. Though she states it will soon run out and she needs to rest after. Also sticks her hands through gaps to grab cookies and wave at Reimu independently of her body
• General
  
  • Warps from one side of the screen to the other and grants Reimu the ability to do the same
  • Vanishes to dodge a spell card
  • Leans back into a gap while firing projectiles
  • Sticks her arm into a gap to strike her foe with an umbrella from another location
  • Drops into a gap and then appears in midair
  • After being knocked to the ground, creates a gap below and above her to redirect back to standing up
  • Opens a gap through which several pieces of wood fly out at her foe
  • Spawns street signs to attack her foe
  • Opens gaps through which rapid fire danmaku and lasers fire out
  • Summons a monstrous arm out of her gap to grab or strike her foe
• Skills
  
  • Rest on Stone, Rinse in Rivers: Opens up a hole that swallows up projectiles and stores them
  • Rinse with Stone, Rest in Rivers: Fires off stored projectiles
  • Chimera's Wings: Places a gap that she can then warp back to.
  • Fantasy Maniacal Rift: Disappears into a gap and keeps moving, before coming out to strike her foe
  • Flesh Dismantler: Drops down into a gap before leaping out while spinning her umbrella
  • Urashima's Box, Filled With Lament: Opens a gap in the sky to drop debris on her foe
  • Home is Where One Lays to Rest: Hits her foe with several pieces of wood
  • [Occult] World's Most Agile Torso: Uses a gap to send her upper body forward to attack her foe while her lower body remains in place
• Spell Cards
  
  • Evil Spirits "Yukari Yakumo's Spiriting Away": Repeatedly teleports around while firing off danmaku
  • "Boundary of Humans and Youkai": Vanishes entirely and attacks the foe with danmaku patterns while not physically present
  • Splitter "Thing That Splits All Into Two": Repeatedly jumps in and out of and moves through gaps while spinning her umbrella
  • Fantasy Nest "Flying Noctilucae's Nest": Opens up several gaps that fire danmaku forwards, always in the direction of the foe
  • Boundary "Overflowing Flotsam": Sends several pieces of wood flying at her foe
  • Abandoned Line "Aimless Journey to the Abandoned Station": Opens a gap through which an abandoned train comes from, though (in gameplay at least) it takes time to open the gap
  • "Unmanned Abandoned Railroad Car Bomb": Summons three train cars that fly into her foe before exploding

Great Hakurei Barrier

• The Barrier Itself
  
  • Feats/Statements
    • The Great Hakurei Barrier is a barrier of sense that surrounds all of Gensokyo, and keeps living creatures and their tools from passing through while allowing non-living things to pass through without issue. Via non-Euclidian space a person attempting to pass through the barrier will find themselves wandering endlessly, and they will find themselves back where they started upon turning around.
    • Even when Reimu and Marisa traveled to the moon they never left the barrier, and they consider getting through the barrier to be harder than going to the moon
    • Gensokyo is designed to be the opposite of the outside world, and things that contradict that concept cannot pass through the barrier
    • Akyuu states the barrier is a barrier of common sense and keeps the outside world's common sense outside, and that it's composed of multiple smaller barriers, but that it periodically weakens every 60 years
    • There is at least some difference in the seasons between Gensokyo and the outside world
    • Sumireko was unable to fully penetrate the barrier from the outside
  • Limits
    • Non-living things and certain creatures are able to pass through the barrier more easily
    • It's noted Remilia's scarlet mist would have spread past the boundary into the human world
    • Objects that violated common sense from the outside world being used on the barrier would threaten its very existence
• Manipulation
  
  • Yukari was one of the sages to suggest the creation of the Great Hakurei Barrier, though whether she's the actual creator is unclear. Reimu refers to her as the original creator but Yuyuko thinks the barrier is too strong for Yukari to make
  • States that she has torn holes in the barrier
  • Creates a powerful distortion in the barrier
  • Repairs the barrier after Reimu does something to weaken it
  • Whenever a human from the outside world wanders into Gensokyo, it's because of fluctuations in the barrier caused by her

Gensokyo's Boundary of Reality and Illusion

• General
  
  • Created a boundary of illusion and reality around Gensokyo, defining Gensokyo as illusionary and the outside world as real, so anything that becomes viewed as fantasy is pulled into Gensokyo, even from outside Japan. This was performed 500 years ago and still going strong.
  • Yukari seems to have at least some amount of awareness of those who enter and leave Gensokyo through this method
• Living Things
  
  • A snake wakes up in Gensokyo as soon as he transforms into a youkai, with Mamizou stating that when you turn into a youkai you wind up in Gensokyo. Said snake is potentially originally from India
  • When there's a demand for Zashiki-Warashi in the outside world they start vanishing from Gensokyo, and later return when that demand fades
  • New youkai created in the outside world immediately appear in Gensokyo as well, but due to not having a clear form they disappear just a quickly
  • Rinnosuke notes that Gensokyo is rather multicultural, as youkai brought with them foreign cultures as they were pulled into Gensokyo
  • A real life human shows up in Gensokyo after becoming a god
  • Animals that become endangered or extinct (at least in Japan) are more prevalent in Gensokyo
  • A completely ordinary seal winds up in Gensokyo after being forgotten while a youkai well integrated in human society could remain in the outside world
• Nonliving
  
  • Items that fall out of use in the outside world wind up in Gensokyo
  • People doubting or forgetting the moon landing is enough to cause several magazines about it to appear in Gensokyo as well as the Soyuz spacecraft
  • Lyrica implies that instruments and even noises can fall into fantasy
• Buildings
  
  • The Scarlet Devil Mansion is a western style mansion housing multiple powerful youkai that is assumed to have arrived in Gensokyo fairly recently, with Akyuu also noting that it seemingly wasn't designed for Japanese climates
  • Another western style mansion housing the Prismriver sister also exists in Gensokyo
  • Unused radio towers occasionally appear in Gensokyo
  • After Miko is forgotten by the outside world, her entire mausoleum arrives in Gensokyo
• Large Scale
  
  • Due to Kanako making it fall into fantasy the Moriya shrine and the nearby lake move to Gensokyo
  • According to legend the Bamboo Forest of the Lost appeared in Gensokyo after being washed away by a tsunami
  • It's thought (according to Keine) that Youkai Mountain in Gensokyo is the original mythical form Yatsugatake, before it had been torn down by a god, back when it was taller than Mt. Fuji

Misc

• Boundary of Reality and Illusion - Moon
  
  • Erases the boundary between the real and illusionary moon, turning a reflection of the moon in the water into a portal to the moon itself that allows for instantaneous travel
  • Can return to Earth by doing the same thing to a reflection of the Earth
  • Leaves the portal open by shoving an umbrella into it
  • The Watatsuki sisters state she can freely travel between the Earth and moon, and that she once brought a throng of youkai to the moon with her
  • Implies this can only be performed when the moon is completely full, and that she was trapped on the moon when the full waned more quickly than expected
• Netherworld
  
  • Weakened the barrier between Gensokyo and the Netherworld so Yuyuko could more easily enter Gensokyo. She is also responsible for its repair
    • The Netherworld's barrier weakening causes the boundary between life and death to become vague, with Youmu wondering if it's okay to leave the boundary between this world an the next so ambiguous, though Youmu also notes it hasn't changed up the natural order too much
  • States that she caused the borders between Hell and the Netherworld to fade
    • Both the Netherworld and Hell are massive, but it's not clear to what extent she actually merged them
• Lunar Capital
  
  • Breaks through the barrier of the lunar capital, but it takes her a while due to the complexity
    • This barrier separates the living fantastical moon from the scientific dead one, and requires a specific route in order to reach the capital
  • Opens a whole in the barrier hiding the house of the Lunar sage with her thumb, and leaves her glove in the gap so that Yuyuko and Youmu can later use it to enter the Lunar Captial
• Misc Conceptual
  
  • States she can manipulate the boundary between Gensokyo and the outside world, the worlds of the living and the dead, human and youkai, or even day and night
  • Claims she can give the immortal Mokou a near death experience by manipulating the boundary of life and death
  • States she thinned the barrier between human and youkai, possibly making Reimu a youkai temporarily
    • States she could set the boundary between human and youkai for Mai and Satano to make them one or the other
  • Manipulates the boundary between daylight and moonlight to cause both to happen at the same time
  • Makes the moon as bright as daytime by manipulating the boundary between day and night
  • Marisa speculates that Yukari manipulated the border between danmaku for play and danmaku for combat for one of her attacks
  • States she can easily manipulate the boundary between spring and winter
  • States she causes noctambulism (sleep walking) in humans by manipulating the boundary between asleep and awake
  • Manipulates the boundary of master and slave, causing both teams using perfect possession to swap said roles
    • Doing this required interfering with the dream world

Other Abilities

Note that a number of feats here potentially involve boundary manipulation, but it's less explicit
Energy Projection

• Feats
  
  • Individual needles can break rock, and destroy a large boulder with sustained fire
  • Effortlessly defeats the three fairies of light, throwing out projectiles made of light and non-light
  • Marisa considers Yukari's danmaku harder to deal with than Yuyuko's
  • Surrounds herself with rings of danmaku
• General
  
  • Fires out large amounts of danmaku in various patterns
  • Fires off danmaku in front of her with a swing of her fan
  • Attacks with lines of energy
  • Fires off several orbs trailed by lines of energy
  • Creates spirals of energy around her body
  • Using a bomb, unleashes a pulse of energy that knocks back her foe
• Skills
  
  • Purple Needles of Painful Reproach: Rapid fires needles in front of her
  • Bewitching Bait: Creates a bird's eye that high speed projectiles then fly through at random paths
  • Spacetime Seam: Creates a pulse of energy projectiles in all directions around her, possibly by cracking space
• Spell Cards
  
  • Standard Danmaku Pattern
    • Barrier "Curse of Dreams and Reality"
    • Barrier "Balance of Motion and Stillness"
    • Barrier "Mesh of Light and Darkness"
    • Evil Spirits "Dreamland of Straight and Curve"
    • Evil Spirits "Bewitching Butterfly Living in the Zen Temple"
    • Sinister Spirits "Double Black Death Butterfly"
    • Barrier "Boundary of Life and Death"
    • Yukari's Arcanum "Danmaku Barrier"
    • Outer Force "Infinite Superspeed Flying Object"
    • Border Sign "Boundary of Form and Emptiness"
    • Border Sign "Boundary of Wave and Particle"
    • Photon "Doppler Effect"
    • Aerial Bait "Hyperactive High Speed Flying Object"
    • "Yakumo's Nest"
    • "Impossible Danmaku Barrier"
    • "Casebook of Luck, Resilience and Perseverance"
  • Combo Attack with Others
    • "Perfect Possession and Dream Seal": With Reimu
    • "Boundary of Spirit Medium and Divine Spirit": With Reimu
    • "Secret God Barrier": With Okina
    • "Shoot the Danmaku Barrier!": With Marisa
    • "Unauthorized Danmaku Photography is Strictly Prohibited": With Reimu
    • Paper Sign "Barrier-Enclosed Zener Card Shuriken": With Sumireko
  • Misc
    • Aerial Bait "Addictive Bait": Opens several locations through which high speed projectiles travel from
    • Fantasy "Perpetual Motion Machine of the First Kind": Creates a perpetual motion device that automatically fires danmaku without her input
    • Spirit Medium's Melancholy: Fires off danmaku that only hits one part of a perfect possession duo
• Last Word
  
  • "Profound Danmaku Barrier -Phantasm, Foam and Shadow-": Creates an everlasting bullet pattern with her finger deciding its life and death

Shikigami: Shikigami are spirits that have been turned into tools via a patter, that have software installed to control them

• Feats/Statmenents
  
  • Has the ability to control shikigami, which like computers will follower her commands exactly. Her primary shikigami is Ran, who herself has her own shikigami Chen
  • Has shikigami possess various crows which she uses for scouting
    • A crow rapidly flies over large swaths of the lunar surface in what is implied to be a short span of time. Its flight is also described as unnaturally straight, with it following the special path required to reach the Lunar Capital with computer-like accuracy
    • [Limit] A crow is killed by being possessed exposed to the vacuum of space
  • Has eyes all over Gensokyo... literally, with this eyes noted to be her familiars
• Skills
  
  • "Apparotation Needle": Has Ran chase after he foes while firing off danmaku
  • Eyes that View Change: Opens a gap holding an eye, which attacks the enemy when it sees a weakpoint based on specific programming
• Spell Cards
  
  • Summoning Rand and or Chen to attack enemies
    • Shikigami "Ran Yakumo"
    • Sign III "Ran Yakumo"
    • Shikigami "Ran Yakumo +"
    • Shikigami "Chen"
    • Shikigami "Ran Yakumo & Chen":
  • Other
    • Magic Eye "Laplace's Demon": Opens up several gaps holding eyes which attack when they see an exploitable weak point

Umbrella

• General
  
  • Hits her foe by spinning her umbrella
  • Creates spirals of energy around her umbrella
• Skills
  
  • Bewitching Butterfly Lurking in the Zen Temple: Envelopes her umbrella in energy and spins it while slamming into her foe
  • Fantasy Manji-Parasol: Gathers spiritual energy on her umbrella, then spins and fires it off as a projectile
  • Full Moon Umbrella: Creates a ring of energy around herself with a swing of her umbrella
• Spell Cards
  
  • Sign II "Manji-Parasol of Yakumo"

Senses

• Sees the human village despite Keine attempting to hide it by trying to make it appear that nothing had ever been there by eating its history
  
• Youkai can see perfectly by moonlight
  
• Claims to see the backside of the moon bathed with sunlight, even during a new moon
  
• Detects that a tree is from the outside world
  
• Eavesdrops on Sakuya's conversation while not physically present, and speaks to Reisen before warping to the location
  
• Claims to clearly see the launch of the Scarlet Devil Mansion's rocket from a ways away
  
• Senses Eiki's presence
  
• Senses the weakening of the Great Hakurei Barrier while presumably asleep
  
• Realizes the Shinmyoumaru in front of her isn't the normal one
  
• Sees the outside world beyond the Great Hakurei Barrier
  
• Sees the flow of energy from living things and helps Youmu to understand it
  
• Able to see the god that Utsuho had absorbed the power of
  

Hi, I want to make close friends with people who want that as well and with people who are nearby as to not make it difficult for us to meet. Someone to chat with and meet up to discover new places. I like the process of getting to know someone and listening to them during conversation and sharing details about myself. Some of my interests are: being immersed into the worlds of video games, movies and books. And broadening my perspective of the world through traveling the world, and through being around nature, animals, and by being surrounded by people and eating delicious foods in restaurants. And there is more I like to do, and that I want to do with a familiar friend. And I like for that friend to be either the kind or eccentric type! If anything of this interests you, then send me a DM. Looking forward to your reply!

When somebody suggests you commit arson together, your reaction is most likely to differ based on the identity of that person. If anyone else had asked me to come along to burn down a building, I would have assumed it was a joke. However, being aware of Frankie Preston’s barely suppressed murderous tendencies made me take his request quite seriously. Of course, three main questions presented themselves upon first consideration.
“What building?”
“A small developmental factory owned by FunFlair.”
“Do you plan on burning it while there are still people inside?”
“Only one, and that one deserves to burn alive.”
Shelving my thoughts on that answer for the moment, I inquired as to when he was hoping to go about this endeavor.
“The sooner the better. My sister—you haven’t met her—found out that they’re going to move sites in the near future, so if I want to take revenge on my old boss easily, I need to do it now. It won’t be too difficult. I know the layout of the place really well, they can’t have changed much these last three years. It’s small, hidden but unprotected. A bunch of containers in some woods a couple hours from here. The human I hate most in the entire world is there, every night, working all alone.” His shoulders twitched. “I drove by the place a couple times, and I kept thinking about doing it, but I was too scared. Having you there would make all the difference.”
“It would?” I echoed.
“Yes! Sunshine, you’re strong. Amazingly so. I don’t want you to feel like I’m using you, but the thing is, I can’t do this on my own. If you tell me to go away and never mention this again, I will. That I swear to God. Or whatever sadistic omnipotent being has put me on this world to suffer.” He briefly glanced heavenward, or rather at the ceiling, then back at me. “I can’t hurt anybody, remember?”
I nodded along slowly. “This person, your old boss… what did they do to you?”
“Simply put, she’s why I hate everything.” He spoke with an uncanny intensity, staring past me like he was miles away.
“Who is she?”
“Her name is Philomena Wallis. She’s the one who keeps sending people after me. She wants me back to do fuck knows what to me because she's still pissed I screwed her over." He paused. "She did—does horrible things. You'd want her dead, too."
"Why isn't she in prison?"
"Nobody gets taken to prison if they're rich enough. Either way, what she does isn't technically illegal… and no one knows about it either. It's a tricky situation."
I took a deep breath. “Do you have a plan?”
“I do. We’ll go there at night, I’ll slip in and make sure the door to Phil’s workspace is locked, and then we’ll douse the whole thing in gasoline.”
“Are you sure you’ll need me for that? It doesn’t sound like you’d be inflicting hurt directly. I mean, you wouldn’t have to actually raise a hand to your boss, not physically. Or can you not do that either?”
“The risk lies rather within what could happen if she finds me.” He rubbed his arm, a look of uncertainty crossing his features. “I’m different when I’m around her. I can’t help it, she… she can just walk all over me. She made me be this way. There’s nothing to be done about it, except to get rid of her once and for all.”
“I’m not following. She made you be this way? What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said!” he snapped, only to shrink back and raise his hands. “Sorry! I’m so sorry!”
I stared at him in silence for a beat. “You’re terrified,” I said.
He glanced at his chucks, then back at me, looking like he wanted to say something but didn’t know what.
“Sad, too,” I added. “Sometimes, I can’t tell what you think, so I apologize if I’m reading this wrong…”
“You shouldn’t have to guess what’s going on inside my head anyways,” he muttered. “I can’t believe what I’m trying to rope you into again. It’s like I didn’t hear myself talk for a minute there.”
“I’ll help you.”
He raised a skeptical brow. “I don’t want to force you. I swear I don’t. I will do this, and I’d feel so much better if you came with, but if this is something you’re gonna resent me for in the long run…”
“The long run?”
“I mean—” He started playing with his gum again. “Are we not doing this? You really like me, I think?”
“I think we shouldn’t be talking about this in the same breath as committing lethal arson.” I rubbed my nose before letting go of a long breath. “If I can’t stop you from doing this, I’ll at least make sure you come back out in one piece.” I wonder if this is how Nettie Peterson usually feels.
Frankie beamed. “You will? You’re absolutely sure?”
“Yes. Here’s the plan, I drop off what I bought for my savior human and then we can prepare; do what’s needed. I don’t want to put this off. The sooner it’s over, the better.”
“Definitely,” he agreed with an eager nod. “I’ll drive you right over.”
“Good. And Frankie… you know precisely how I feel about you.”
We got on our way the following morning. The car ride lasted several hours, most of which I spent fast asleep stretched out on the backseat. It was a wonderful nap; I hardly felt any of the vehicle’s movements, admittedly a credit to the server’s abilities as a driver. Eventually, the road was getting too bumpy to ignore, and I drowsily lifted my head to find us pulling onto heavily wooded terrain. Upon noticing I was awake, Fran gave me a fleeting, quite obviously forced smile. After a few more minutes, we came to a halt on a clearing. I got out and produced a canister of gasoline from the trunk, handing it to Fran after opening the door for him. He looked strangely absent, gazing off into the distance with a vacant look in his eyes. He grabbed the offered canister and clutched it to his chest, almost like he was hugging it.
“We’ll be going the rest of the way on foot, then?” I inquired.
He nodded wordlessly.
I couldn’t hide my frown. The air around us was warm and fragrant, the moonlight shining through between the branches that seemed to reach out for us as we began walking. There was not even a hint of a breeze, and yet, a chill ran down my spine. My companion’s demeanor was nothing short of uncomfortable; he seemed to suck the warmth out of the atmosphere around us, together with my initial confidence and the sweet scent of pine needles. His silence instilled in me a clammy sense of dread, and I couldn’t shake it no matter how hard I tried. Normally, I would have probably appreciated the perfect calm and serenity of the lush forest around us, but seeing him in such obvious, unspoken distress drove away all my idyllic thoughts.
“This seems like an odd place to hide a factory,” I remarked, trying to open a conversation once more.
“That’s the point. You wouldn’t go looking for a doll manufacturer in bum-fuck nowhere,” he replied.
“It’s strange to think about. What kind of shady stuff can a toy manufacturer even get up to? Don’t get me wrong, I trust you when you say they’re bad people, I just wish you’d give me a little more information. I feel like I’m not getting something here.”
He let out a low hum. “You… are really innocent.”
“No, I’m not,” I argued, affronted.
“Not in a bad way. I said innocent, not naive. I’ve been cagey again, I know that, but the thing is, you’ll see exactly what I was talking about when we get there. You’ll understand everything, and to be honest, I’m very afraid of what you’ll think once you do.”
We finally reached the building Fran had told me about. If it could indeed be called a building. It looked more like something that had been thrown together by a larva using Lego bricks. It was, as predicted, a bunch of containers lined up and stacked atop one another, small corridors and open metal staircases connecting them. It seemed to be almost entirely empty—all the lights were out, except for a single one. From behind a window on the upper floor, filtered through gray blinds, a cool, bright glow shone down upon us. It bathed Frankie in its surreal luminescence that seemed completely out of place given our raw, natural surroundings.
“You were right,” I stated, tearing him from his rigor. “Seems like there’s only one person in there.”
“That’s Phil,” he mumbled. “I’m certain.”
“Then let’s do this.”
Frankie detached himself from the canister, peeling it off his body like a piece of clothing. I took it from his hands while he walked over to the nearest door, reaching into his pocket to produce a set of shiny, slim tools. Despite the darkness, he set his fingers to work on the lock. It didn’t take long at all for him to let out a satisfied sound, straightening up as he held the now open door for me. “I’m very skilled at lockpicking,” he said lightly, by way of conversation.
I couldn’t hide the admiration in my gaze, and I gave him a proud smile that briefly caused his features to soften. I had not yet crossed the threshold when he grabbed me by the wrist, holding me back. “One more thing,” he whispered, his voice suddenly ringing desperate again, “you won’t like what we might see in there.”
“I know,” I answered. “It was implied.”
Stepping forth into the dark room, the smell of plastic and coffee instantly hit my nose. Fran fumbled for a lightswitch before thinking better of it and turning on the flashlight he’d brought. We were clearly in a breakroom; there was a table in the middle surrounded by chairs, an espresso machine in the corner and several calendars and posters taped to the walls. Unsuspecting. Frankie didn’t comment, immediately moving across the cube and towards the door on the other side. It led out into a small corridor, improvised using more corrugated iron elements, and into another larger container. There was a desk with a computer in one corner and an empty operating table in the center.
A large shelving unit occupied the entire left side of the room. A closer inspection revealed that it held all sorts of small parts, though what they were parts of was beyond me. Opening the plastic drawers at random, I glimpsed all sorts of metallic and silicone pieces, forming strange little… thingies.
“What is all this?” I asked Frankie.
He had been standing by the operating table, staring at it with unblinking eyes. His expression was once more perfectly vacant. Not even his jaw was moving around his bubble gum. He didn’t look up, and for a minute, I wondered if he’d heard me at all. “Doll parts,” he suddenly answered, his voice lacking any inflection.
I frowned, picking up one of the tiny metallic objects and inspecting it closely. I could see what he meant now—it appeared to be a very small joint, perhaps for a finger. “When you said FunFlair made dolls, I thought you meant these stiff little baby dolls. I didn’t know they made them this detailed.”
“Oh, they can be detailed alright.”
“Is this, like, a robotics thing? Can they move on their own, too?”
Frankie let out a sharp, mirthless laugh that was much too short. He fell completely silent again, and it felt as though the room had gotten colder. I bit my lip, placing the finger joint back in its box. I tentatively reached out to Fran and rested a hand on his upper arm, only for him to flinch, drawing away as if burned. “D-don’t touch me right now,” he pleaded.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed.
“No, I am. Don’t mind me, okay? Let’s—let’s just go on.”
So we did. Another makeshift corridor led us over into the next container. The beam of our flashlight cut through the darkness, revealing a sight that made me stop in my tracks. There were several bodies propped up in the corners of the room, bodies that I only realized on second glance were artificial. They were of roughly the same size as the average person, with fully formed arms, legs and everything. Their faces however were different. Most of them weren’t even fully complete, the skin-like material not fully covering their heads and leaving the mechanical structures underneath uncovered. Their eyeballs—sitting in hard plastic sockets and unframed by lids—stared out at us blankly, utterly void and expressionless.
Cold dread began to seep into my bones, paralyzing me for a second before I managed to break from my stillness. Taking a step towards one of the lifeless figures, I bent down to get a closer look. Keeping my distance, I reached out a single finger to trace along one of the countless delicate wires peeking out from the soft patches of facial material. It was cool to the touch, making my skin crawl. I pulled back, turning to Frankie in bewilderment. “Wh-what is all this?” I asked hesitantly.
“That’s them. That’s the dolls.”
“Well, yes, I can see that but this… this is really, really unnerving.”
He let out a strangled, mournful sound. “I guess it is,” he said eventually, his voice low and flat. He knelt down beside me, a little closer to the doll, and started fumbling around with the back of its neck, clearly looking for something. Finally, I heard a little click, followed by a whirring noise as the doll jerked up its arm. I squeaked, scrambling back on my hands and rear, only to find my back suddenly pressed up against the chest of another mannequin. I hadn’t done a thing, but it instantly sprang to life; robotic fingers clamping down around both sides of my nape. The painfully fierce touch wiped away every last bit of my composure, and I let out a shriek that seemed to tear apart the relative silence. Frankie spun around to fix me with the beam of his flashlight, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut. My heart was hammering against my ribcage, seemingly exploding when the hands started pulling me closer against the lifeless, yet animate body.
The next thing I knew was that Fran had leapt forward and removed me from the doll’s clutches with one swift, powerful yank. My chest was heaving and I couldn’t suppress a low whimper when I pressed myself to his side, frantically glancing about my surroundings. My fangs were bared, but my racing pulse was admittedly overtaxing me. I couldn’t seem to form any coherent thoughts. My flight-instinct was kicking in, further setting off my panicked response when I realized I might end up involuntarily jumping dimensions again.
Suddenly, I felt Frankie’s hand on my cheek, the gentle pressure tilting my head up to make me meet his gaze. “It’s alright,” he said, his voice equal parts firm and understanding. The fog in my head lifted just a little.
“They’re not going to hurt you,” he went on, his thumb stroking the curve of my outer ear. However he managed to convey such certainty when he himself had been so uneasy mere moments ago was beyond me, and yet, I found myself believing him. My breathing slowed and I hazarded a second glance at the doll I had bumped into.
It had stopped moving, its body having locked into an unnatural, almost feral-looking position. It was cowering on all fours, its torso lowered and its head up. Its neck was bent at such an extreme angle that it was approaching the comical.
“What the fuck was that?” I whispered, the curse word escaping me before I could stop myself.
“Some of them have to be activated manually, others can be turned on just by touch. I remember that,” Frankie replied. “There’s no need to be afraid of them, though. Even if it’s hard to believe considering… well.” He gestured at the oddly crouching doll at our feet.
“Something’s very wrong here,” I muttered, unable to tear my eyes off the lifeless, incomplete face. “I didn’t even know they made toys like that.”
“They’re not for children,” Frankie said, his eyes glazing over once more.
“Are they, like, robots? Do they know what they’re doing?”
“Not if they’re lucky, they don’t.” He paused. “They’re not made to think. Any awareness they might have would be unplanned for.”
“And you really used to work here? Did you help build them?”
“We can talk about that once we’re out of here.”
I swallowed. “Look, I’m freaking out. This can’t be a normal production site.”
“It’s not. I wish you didn’t have to see this. It… it only gets worse. And your instincts aren’t failing you, none of this is right. If you want to back out, I don’t blame you. This place shouldn’t exist.”
I took a deep breath. I wished I had insisted on knowing the full truth before coming here, but it couldn’t be helped now. Instead of prying further, I pointed at the canister of gasoline. “Then let’s remedy that.”
Despite himself, Frankie smiled.
Instead of mirroring the expression, I felt my own features suddenly derail. “Oh crap.”
“What is it?”
“Do you think she heard me scream?”
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves
19: shopping cart
20: olms and Jewels
21: long hair
22: recruitment
23: waitresses

Mine rn probably is Black Friday - a general Black Friday todo gs about the past, to increased anxiety about the toy, and a cult. Not to mention the Black and White with Hannah’s plot and character. Also TTTO is very clever. All the little tidbits in lyrics, and Speedrun as a song is cool, as well as the song Dysentery World.

This might sound a little off, or insane, but hey! I've been called worst. The fact of the matter is I honest to God feel like I am dead. Like I died a terrible, or horrible death, and don't remember the actually dying if that makes sense. I feel like I am trapped in this alternate reality where I died a horrible death, and am forever stuck in Hell surrounded by everyone (which is no one), and constantly reminded of my shortcomings, and everything I am not. Almost rubbing it in my face how much I failed at something so simple and easy collecting.
Well, I apologize. I guess I am not the brightest when it comes to figuring out what I did to deserve to be tortured in Hell. I feel I have no control over anything I say, do, see, touch, feel, or any senses of my body. I haven't met a single person since the initial incident happened who has authentically and without reserve in guiding me to either figuring this out, or helping me, or at least comforting me so I don't freak out. Yes, there were are few (down to 1 to 2 persons) that I counted on, and confided in with my insanity crushing down in my world. Nothing makes sense anymore, and it's only getting worst. The more signs and synchronicities given to me only confuses me further from the truth.
I'm sure someone is eating this shit up like I'm some kind moron entering into their own deathtrap. I don't want to die. I have no wishfulliment whatsoever to end my life if I am alive. I would love to not survive anymore, and live. Live as in be. Of course, I want my love of my life, but I also want him to desire me as well mutually. I don't want to force anyone into anything. I want them to decide if they want to be with me, or not. Apparently, my wish was crushed and stomped on while I was already down. He has spoken, and reassured me that he is happy, and doesn't not want anything to do with me. Facts! My children, I would love more than anything to have a healthy, fun, comforting, humorous, yet serious enough to instill guidance for their future. Of course, I wish happiness and repository to my family and close enduring friends who has made a positive influence in my life. I wish for communication between me and loved ones are understood, and respected. And even on our worst days we choose to not leave any conversation open to the thought of separation. Whether trusting the person I wish to spend my life with romantically, so there is no confusion about reconciliation. In other words, we choose to stay, because loving each other is far greater than being alone the rest of our lives with them specifically. And yes, there has to be a connection as strong as my ex boyfriend and I relationship.
Somewhere in the mess of misunderstandings, judgements, name calling, and no effort was tainted by false truths surrounded by other deceitful influences. I wish to eliminate those negative intentions. I wish for hope. I wish for reconciliation. I wish for love. I wish for devotion. I wish for partnership as much as romantic intimate relationships that can and is going to last a lifetime. This special person is none other than the one I have asked for since this whole weird shit dead computer matrix shenanigans stalking drug rehab project, program, association, actors, podcast, imaginary, and extremely not nice in any way. Yeah, when all that started. I'm being nice and respectful about this too. I haven't cursed, or spoken negative upon anyone. I honest to God as humble and sincere with every genuine essence of my eternal body (dead or alive at this point) I can without a doubt in a sudden instant no questions concerns about this am sure of my decision.
Furthermore, please I am asking in the best of my ability to just help gain clarity and acceptance. If it was never in my fortune, or never to come try I am very calmly and desperately asking to stop. I swear to my daughter's, my God who is my savior in heaven, angels, holy spirit, ancestors, spirit guides, friends, family, love of my life, aand whoever is involved to just let me hurt in peace. I've hurt too long, and far too much. I can't handle any of this anymore. Honest! I can't. I have reached my limitation of pain my heart.
Please stop this. Give the wish to someone else worth deserving. You obviously, can't fulfill my wish, so no hard feelings. I didn't need it in the first place. Just let it go. I'm good with that. I just want this all the stop. You have no idea the amount of stress, mental anguish, physical damage, social isolation, and yeah pretty bad things. They're not getting better. You're making it worst which is bad. Your support is horrible. I don't want your support. If this is your way of supporting me and motiving me to inspire me then no. all wrong. Sorry to disappoint. You couldn't have been more off base than ever. I wish you to stop. No more explaining. No more complaining. No more attempting in anything really. Existing maybe. A whole lot of that. just meh or blah or depression has gone into full force and causing more pain and suffering to the point of suicide. FACTS!
And yes, once again, don't want that. Want to stay alive. Just don't want to stay alive in this mindset, house, around these mean people, and looking like a fat disgusting pig. Paraphrasing from someone mean in my life that thought it was necessary to point out how fat I am, and how much they despise me in their life. I wish them gone. That would be nice. And not gone gone. Just not around me, or if my love of my life was here he would defend me. I would hope. He's don't it before, so you know he's capable. Oh well, not waiting any longer. If it were going to happen then it would have happened already. No more waiting. No more holding on to dreams that you never wake up from, or living in fantasy land. It's not fun anymore. You ruined any kind of special event, special holiday, special trip, special gift. All Gone. I can't enjoy it. Thanks!
It's all meaningless unless you have someone you love to share it with, and I apologize. That person is NOT my dad, family, animal, ex husband, my reflection from a mirror, my past/present/future, etc. Sorry. None of that makes sense. You're not good at wish fullfillment. No offense, but just stop while you're ahead. I cann't endure another day of crying and fighting if I should kms (Kill myself- Carrie kills herself) Did I make that detailed enough to say that every day is a survival to stay alive without the notion of killing myself. And believe me that is the worst feeling in the world. I'm done. You're just going on about this is rewarding getting rid of me, or how much better the world is going to be without me inside it, or "yay" she's actually going to follow through with it. Yeah Yeah Yeah. Maybe one day. All I'm indicating is I struggle every day with staying alive long enough to make it another day without killing myself.

I'm sure we've all been reading and watching a lot about how our new Head Coach wants his teams to play and have been getting excited about a new high tempo high pressing attacking style of football coming to Tottenham. Big Ange clearly has a very clear vision of what he wants from his players and I think it's interesting to consider how some of the current crop of Spurs players would fare in his system.

• Fullbacks

The first thing that came to my mind when I heard the Postecoglou to Spurs rumours was the fullbacks, as he is known to favour inverted wingbacks and my initial response was "well our players just can't do that". While a WB bombs up and down the touchline putting in crosses, when the team is in possession the IWB tucks and and essentially plays as another central midfielder. On second thought Davies and Emerson could switch flanks and do this job reasonably well, though neither really has a terrific passing range for the middle of the park. One player who is uniquely unsuited for this though is Porro, imo it would be a total waste of his considerable attacking talents. Postecoglou requires wingers to provide the width and I'd be surprised if he isn't used primarily as a right winger with Kulusevski (someone who certainly does have the vision and passing range) perhaps moved infield to play as more of an attacking midfielder.
This is to say nothing of Sessegnon (rumoured to be moved on) and Spence (who knows what will happen with him) and let's not forget Destiny Udogie who is similar to Porro in that his pace and crossing is suited more to wingback than central midfield. Definitely the most interesting position to see what will happen in my opinion as there doesn't seem to be a clear answer to what will be done with the very Conte style players we have in a Postecoglou system. Maybe he's a pragmatist and he'll play 3 at the back but, from what I hear, he's much more interested in building his own style of team.

• Centre back

We all know this - Spurs are desperately in need of a quality centre back. Lenglet is on loan, Sanchez is dogshit, Tanganga just fouls people, Romero is talented but also an unreliable wildcard and needs a solid partner. Maybe Dier has taken more of our scorn than he deserves and maybe Postecoglou can get him performing but really I doubt it. Remember in Pochettino's latter days he was already phasing Dier out. It's Dier's attitude and leadership that has kept him in the team not his talent (but who knows maybe that will be enough to convince Postecoglou).
With IWBs tucking into midfield and the team pressing very high up the pitch, the two centre backs will often find themselves 2-on-2 with opposition forwards with acres of space behind them. This requires a lot of awareness positioning speed and ability to play the ball. This isn't news to anyone but quality at CB is a priority for the summer.

• Central midfielders

We have a few of these but always seem to be linked to more. Bentancur when he's back should absolutely thrive in this system and I'm very excited to see him do it. Bissouma is another one that might have a big big season with his ability to keep and move the ball in tight spaces.

• Forwards

Most of these slot into the team in a self explanatory fashion. Hopefully we'll see that Son isn't past it and given actual license to attack and players up with him he might have another 20 goal season. Richarlison might improve too but also I'm sure some of us grow tired of a petulant attitude from him. Kulusevski can play on the right of the three or move into central attacking midfield. With Moura gone :( and presumably all the loan players not in our plans, this is an area Spurs will certainly invest in.
I personally think it's most likely that Kane stays but I think if he does go then it should be seen as an opportunity to buy a real pressing forward. I don't know who, maybe Victor Osimhen...in a parallel fantasy world where he would even consider us. If real life was FIFA I'm sure we could convince Dusan Vlahovic to end his tepid Juve spell.
With a big summer ahead of us I'd be interested to hear if there anyone other Spurs fans are particularly keen on or someone in our squad that you think will thrive.
Up the Spurs, to dare is to didgeridoo

This might sound a little off, or insane, but hey! I've been called worst. The fact of the matter is I honest to God feel like I am dead. Like I died a terrible, or horrible death, and don't remember the actually dying if that makes sense. I feel like I am trapped in this alternate reality where I died a horrible death, and am forever stuck in Hell surrounded by everyone (which is no one), and constantly reminded of my shortcomings, and everything I am not. Almost rubbing it in my face how much I failed at something so simple and easy collecting.
Well, I apologize. I guess I am not the brightest when it comes to figuring out what I did to deserve to be tortured in Hell. I feel I have no control over anything I say, do, see, touch, feel, or any senses of my body. I haven't met a single person since the initial incident happened who has authentically and without reserve in guiding me to either figuring this out, or helping me, or at least comforting me so I don't freak out. Yes, there were are few (down to 1 to 2 persons) that I counted on, and confided in with my insanity crushing down in my world. Nothing makes sense anymore, and it's only getting worst. The more signs and synchronicities given to me only confuses me further from the truth.
I'm sure someone is eating this shit up like I'm some kind moron entering into their own deathtrap. I don't want to die. I have no wishfulliment whatsoever to end my life if I am alive. I would love to not survive anymore, and live. Live as in be. Of course, I want my love of my life, but I also want him to desire me as well mutually. I don't want to force anyone into anything. I want them to decide if they want to be with me, or not. Apparently, my wish was crushed and stomped on while I was already down. He has spoken, and reassured me that he is happy, and doesn't not want anything to do with me. Facts! My children, I would love more than anything to have a healthy, fun, comforting, humorous, yet serious enough to instill guidance for their future. Of course, I wish happiness and repository to my family and close enduring friends who has made a positive influence in my life. I wish for communication between me and loved ones are understood, and respected. And even on our worst days we choose to not leave any conversation open to the thought of separation. Whether trusting the person I wish to spend my life with romantically, so there is no confusion about reconciliation. In other words, we choose to stay, because loving each other is far greater than being alone the rest of our lives with them specifically. And yes, there has to be a connection as strong as my ex boyfriend and I relationship.
Somewhere in the mess of misunderstandings, judgements, name calling, and no effort was tainted by false truths surrounded by other deceitful influences. I wish to eliminate those negative intentions. I wish for hope. I wish for reconciliation. I wish for love. I wish for devotion. I wish for partnership as much as romantic intimate relationships that can and is going to last a lifetime. This special person is none other than the one I have asked for since this whole weird shit dead computer matrix shenanigans stalking drug rehab project, program, association, actors, podcast, imaginary, and extremely not nice in any way. Yeah, when all that started. I'm being nice and respectful about this too. I haven't cursed, or spoken negative upon anyone. I honest to God as humble and sincere with every genuine essence of my eternal body (dead or alive at this point) I can without a doubt in a sudden instant no questions concerns about this am sure of my decision.
Furthermore, please I am asking in the best of my ability to just help gain clarity and acceptance. If it was never in my fortune, or never to come try I am very calmly and desperately asking to stop. I swear to my daughter's, my God who is my savior in heaven, angels, holy spirit, ancestors, spirit guides, friends, family, love of my life, aand whoever is involved to just let me hurt in peace. I've hurt too long, and far too much. I can't handle any of this anymore. Honest! I can't. I have reached my limitation of pain my heart.
Please stop this. Give the wish to someone else worth deserving. You obviously, can't fulfill my wish, so no hard feelings. I didn't need it in the first place. Just let it go. I'm good with that. I just want this all the stop. You have no idea the amount of stress, mental anguish, physical damage, social isolation, and yeah pretty bad things. They're not getting better. You're making it worst which is bad. Your support is horrible. I don't want your support. If this is your way of supporting me and motiving me to inspire me then no. all wrong. Sorry to disappoint. You couldn't have been more off base than ever. I wish you to stop. No more explaining. No more complaining. No more attempting in anything really. Existing maybe. A whole lot of that. just meh or blah or depression has gone into full force and causing more pain and suffering to the point of suicide. FACTS!
And yes, once again, don't want that. Want to stay alive. Just don't want to stay alive in this mindset, house, around these mean people, and looking like a fat disgusting pig. Paraphrasing from someone mean in my life that thought it was necessary to point out how fat I am, and how much they despise me in their life. I wish them gone. That would be nice. And not gone gone. Just not around me, or if my love of my life was here he would defend me. I would hope. He's don't it before, so you know he's capable. Oh well, not waiting any longer. If it were going to happen then it would have happened already. No more waiting. No more holding on to dreams that you never wake up from, or living in fantasy land. It's not fun anymore. You ruined any kind of special event, special holiday, special trip, special gift. All Gone. I can't enjoy it. Thanks!
It's all meaningless unless you have someone you love to share it with, and I apologize. That person is NOT my dad, family, animal, ex husband, my reflection from a mirror, my past/present/future, etc. Sorry. None of that makes sense. You're not good at wish fullfillment. No offense, but just stop while you're ahead. I cann't endure another day of crying and fighting if I should kms (Kill myself- Carrie kills herself) Did I make that detailed enough to say that every day is a survival to stay alive without the notion of killing myself. And believe me that is the worst feeling in the world. I'm done. You're just going on about this is rewarding getting rid of me, or how much better the world is going to be without me inside it, or "yay" she's actually going to follow through with it. Yeah Yeah Yeah. Maybe one day. All I'm indicating is I struggle every day with staying alive long enough to make it another day without killing myself.

I thought I would use AI as a tool for my creativity, I just prompt it to write something that I want to write but I can never sit down and think clear enough to write a full short story, and when I do it comes out all muggled, so today I thought, hmm, maybe I will try Bard, Google's AI bot, and I gave it a few prompts and it came up with this, hope you like it :
The man sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall. He had been sitting there for hours, unmoving. His mind was racing, but he couldn't seem to focus on anything. He felt like he was going crazy.
He had been diagnosed with schizophrenia a few years ago. At first, he didn't believe it. He thought he was just going through a tough time. But the symptoms got worse and worse. He started hearing voices and seeing things that weren't there. He couldn't sleep or eat. He withdrew from his friends and family. He felt like he was losing his grip on reality.
He had tried medication, but it didn't seem to help. He had tried therapy, but he didn't feel like he was making any progress. He was starting to lose hope.
One day, he was sitting in his room, feeling sorry for himself, when he heard a voice.
"Don't give up," the voice said. "You are stronger than you think."
The man looked around, but he didn't see anyone.
"Who's there?" he asked.
"It's me," the voice said. "I'm the voice inside your head."
The man was confused. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"I'm the part of you that is sane," the voice said. "The part of you that is still fighting."
The man was silent for a moment. Then he said, "I don't understand."
"You will," the voice said. "Just keep fighting."
And with that, the voice was gone.
The man sat there for a long time, thinking about what had just happened. He wasn't sure if he believed it, but he was willing to try anything.
He started taking his medication again. He started going to therapy again. And he started fighting.
It wasn't easy. There were times when he wanted to give up. But he kept fighting.
And slowly, but surely, he started to get better. The voices stopped. The hallucinations stopped. He started to sleep and eat again. He started to spend time with his friends and family again. He started to feel like himself again.
One day, he was sitting in his room, feeling happy and content, when he heard the voice again.
"You did it," the voice said. "You've overcome your illness."
The man smiled. "Thank you," he said.
"You're welcome," the voice said. "Now, go out there and show the world what you can do."
The man stood up and walked out of his room. He knew that he had a long way to go, but he was determined to live a full and happy life.
He went on to become a successful businessman, a loving husband and father, and a respected member of his community. He never forgot the voice that helped him overcome his illness. He knew that it was the voice of his true self, the part of him that was strong and capable.
He lived a long and happy life, and he never forgot the lesson he learned that day: that no matter how difficult things may seem, there is always hope.

Torvan Nikolsim, Shipmaster of Scientific Vessel SE-89.
We had managed to dodge the patrol that found our shuttle. It was evident that the sentients pursuing us here were hostile, given their toting of apparent firearms. However, Talvak and I had managed to find a recess in a nearby geological formation. The engineer was fiddling with the antenna, seeing if he could hotwire it to send at least some signal.
“Talvak, why are you still fiddling with that scrap metal?” I said, still irritated at the uncomfortable heat in the air around me.
“There’s no point in not trying, sir.” He said, some technical piece of metal trapped gently in between his jaws, giving his speech a puffy quality.
“We don’t have any kind of datapad. Even if the antenna was functioning properly, we don’t have a terminal to use it with.”
“We don’t need a terminal.”
My head tilted at this, swallowing a suspiciously thick glob of saliva. Perhaps some water for me?
“What do you mean?”
Talvak looked at whatever he was holding, another green piece of conduit or like, and then turned to me.
“Sir, since there is… well… Can I tell you this in confidence?”
“What?”
Talvak took a second, and opened his maw again.
“I’ve been running something of a data smuggling business back on Enceres.”
My ears twitched in alarm, myself suddenly sitting upright. Smuggling of any kind was a serious crime in the Enceric Union.
“What?!” I bellowed, somewhat outraged. “Do you know how long you could be rotting in a cell if you were caught? You’re idiotic.”
“Well, I… Uhh.” Talvak quieted down at this, sheepishly flicking his tail behind him.
“Look, I don’t care. I’m not a GSPA officer, I’m a scientist. I’m just concerned for my crew. What do you know?”
“I’ve figured out a way to manually run an antenna without using a terminal. The terminal is what reads the data transmissions, so by bypassing it, I can download and transmit data without it being logged. It’s rather a nifty little trick.”
That was, undoubtedly, a smart little hack.
“Talvak, out of curiosity, who were you smuggling data for?”
“Do you really want to know that?”
“We could very well die, might as well do it with a somewhat clean conscience.”
Talvak paused for a moment.
“I’ve been smuggling media and stuff for the Salroan Concord. Mostly cinematics and music and other stuff banned in the Union.”
“You committed treason?!” I shouted, shocked at Talvak’s bold move. “That warrants the death penalty!”
The Salroan Concord occupied a large swath of territory on Enceres, namely on the continent of Salro. They and the Enceric Union were sworn enemies, namely due to massive ideological differences. Accordingly, Spies and other collaborators were not afforded the luxury of a prison cell.
“Eh… Well, technically, still committing.”
“You’re really an idiot, you know that?”
Talvak again looked away sheepishly.
“Look,” I began, “I’m sorry for lashing out. We’re both under a lot of stress. And heat!”
Talvak chuffed.
“So, what exactly are you doing?”
“Well, as I said, I needed a way to bypass the terminal’s logging system, so I’ve figured out how to hotwire something directly to the antenna. It’s fairly simple if you know what you’re doing. All I need to do is loop this here circuit,”
He gestured at some part of the antenna that I couldn’t see,
“And get it so that it sends a looping distress signal. The antenna has a battery charge, so it’ll broadcast for a while. We won’t be able to transmit specifics, but it’ll convey distress, and our position.”
Talvak sat back from his little diatribe, looking somewhat proud of himself. He relaxed his ears and bared his teeth in a relaxed manner, gently drawing back his lip, just barely showing the tip of his canines. I’ll admit, that was a pretty smart thing, even if he did learn the skill by committing a crime.
So I left Talvak to finish his technological fiddling, and I moved to the edge of the cave, staring out. There wasn’t any particular thing I was looking at, I was just trying to pass the time. Nonetheless, I still took more time to stare at those spire-like plants. Annoyingly warm or not, this planet has beauty to it., I thought. In the back of my mind, there were still several concerns floating about.
Why had this operation gone so badly? Establishing outposts on worlds in the Ca’an system was relatively simple; Send a probe, await results of the atmosphere’s makeup, and then send the first colonizers. The weird thing is, not once were any of Cavara’s drones able to transmit atmospheric information, leaving us in a scientific dark. In addition, I was to blame for the deaths of about four crewmen in the shuttle crash. But these were overshadowed by the more immediate concern; intelligent life.
I saw distinctly non-San’tari life forms clambering out of that noisy air transport, weapons in hand, before I darted off into the foliage with Talvak. Sapient and intelligent life would give a very clear answer as to why the drones couldn’t last ten minutes in atmosphere without being destroyed. Sapience explained the lights of cities on the surface that some idiots thought were bioluminescence. But these were violent life forms. Like us. The reaction of blasting a drone out of the sky is completely rational. Enceric Union air defenses wouldn’t hesitate to do the same thing in a similar situation. But there was a worrying aspect to the lack of hesitancy; If they didn’t hesitate to destroy a drone, would they not hesitate to kill me or Talvak? Or would horrifying scientific experimentation await us, things only reserved in the minds of a GSPA interrogation officer?
My musings were interrupted by a sudden cough, leaving me bent over, wheezing for breath. Maybe taking off the hazard mask wasn’t a good idea. When I got back into a sitting position, I realized I needed to relieve myself, so I wandered off a couple paces, and emptied the contents of my bladder against a rock.
However, I noticed a growling in my belly, disrupting my peaceful waiting, so I wandered back inside the cave.
“Talvak, did you happen to find any rations, anywhere?” I said, aware that I probably couldn’t eat any food here, given the biochemistry.
“No sir, you?”
I flicked my ears in the negative.
“Well, this might be an issue.” Talvak said, curling his tail. “But, I’m almost done wiring the loop. We should be out of here in a couple day-night cycles.” Suddenly, an Idea hit me.
“Talvak, this planet obviously has life, right?”
“Sir?”
“Well, on Enceres, glucose is needed for any sort of biological reaction capable of sustaining life to occur.”
“Sir, with all due respect, I’m a technician, not a biologist.”
“You’re also a data smuggler. What I’m saying, Talvak, is we should, in theory, be able to consume certain flora here, and the flora should use glucose. Temporary rations.”
“Is that really the best idea, Shipmaster?”
“Absolutely not, but I’m hungry, and I’m developing a strange cough.”
“Fair.”
With that, Talvak turned back to the antenna, and I turned to the mouth of the cave. It was time for some basic foraging.
—---------------
Colonel Samuel Greene, Douglas MacArthur Airbase
The telescope results brought back from NASA were definitely not what I had expected. I had assumed the high atmospheric transmissions were from some foreign power’s spy satellite, but this was definitely unique. I turned my gaze from my office window to my monitor, and stared at the image again. Two long, sleek objects were visible on the monitor, with a large mushroom-like formation protruding from the front of one of the objects. The images were stills, but I had to assume these were vessels of some kind. One one of them, I could barely make out a small protrusion, not too different from the barrel of a gun.
Sighing, I turned off my monitor, and rose from my chair. The command center had seen a sudden influx of personnel, from NASA scientists to even a few of the kooks from SETI. But with the recent developments, were they really kooks? China was fervently denying any spy activity (reinforced by our own intelligence), and Russia didn’t have enough resources to maintain a space program after the War. Mongolia, The Ukraine, Namibia, and Kazakhstan were too young as space-capable nations (not to mention their friendly terms with the US), and the ESA would have notified us if they were doing something this large.
“Colonel Greene, sir.” “Captain Myer. What’s the results with our ground recovery operation?”
The aging air captain shifted.
“We secured the wreck’s crash site, but we’ve found something concerning.”
“What might that be?”
“Corpses, sir.” Myer shifted again, patting his pockets as though searching for something. Finally, he stopped searching, and gazed around the room. His sight fell on something, and he walked over, procuring a tablet.
“Look at this, Colonel,” He said, signing into the tablet. “This isn’t a human cadaver.”
It took a second to process what I was looking at. The corpse of… whatever it was on the screen was charred to a very severe degree. Through the carbonized material, I could see the white glint of bone, or at least what I assumed to be bone. The corpse had been placed next to a measuring device, like something from a crime scene. A small caption under the image noted that this… thing was at least six feet and five inches tall. The corpse had legs that were similar to a human’s, with the addition of an extra joint above what I assumed to be an ankle. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make out anything from the hands and feed, given that the corpse was charred beyond recognition. At the head, the only distinct feature was a large protrusion from the mouth area, possibly a snout.
“What are your thoughts, Myer?” I said, attempting to pass the tablet back to him.
“Wait, here.” The captain responded, gently pushing the tablet back to me. He swiped the screen, revealing three similar corpses next to the first, obviously moved from their original position. I said a small prayer that whatever these things were had suffered a quick and painless death before being carbonized.
Myer swiped again, pulling up an image of what I assumed to be the craft that air defenses had shot down. It was more interesting looking than the objects on the satellite image, with an aerodynamic shape. It was actually not too dissimilar from a small helicopter, minus a rotor system.
“Fascinating, isn’t it?” A feminine voice said from behind me.
Startled, I wheeled in my spot, and came face to face with a dark-skinned woman wearing a modest blouse and a visitor badge. Thick black plastic glasses rested on her nose, and the lanyard around her neck informed me that she was with SETI.
“I’m sorry, who are you?”
“Naomi Charleson, SETI.”
Oh, one of the maybe-not-kooks.
Without prompting from me or Myer, she began, “It’s definitely extra-terrestrials. No earth animal has a body like that,” She said, stating the obvious. “This is huge! We aren’t alone in the universe! Think about the scientific implications. The cultural ones. Hell, even theological!”
“Well, thank you for your opinion, Miss Charleson-”
“Doctor Charleson.”
“Thank you, Doctor Charleson, but we’re a little far away from declaring aliens. There’s a lot of scientific work that needs to be done, as far as I’m aware.”
“That’s why I’m here,” she said matter-of-factly.”
“Eheh, thank you, Doctor, but-”
“Colonel,” Myer interrupted, “This just came in from one of the combat recorders from the recovery team.”
He shoved the tablet back towards me. There was a video queued up on screen. I pressed the play button. The camera feed was shaky. It was only a ten second loop, and the video was edited, zoomed in on a tree line. I saw it; a gray figure just beyond the trees, stalking away into the darkness.
“I’ve already dispatched a second recovery team that specialized in tracking terrorists in the wilderness. We’ll have a result by nightfall.” Myer said.
Regardless of whatever this special team that Myer spoke of brought back, whatever was brought back would determine our response. What that would be, I couldn’t say.
—----
Torvan Nikolsim, Shipmaster of Science Vessel SE-89
My scavenging was relatively uneventful. I had gathered a series of green leaf-like plants from various foliages around the cave, and brought them back to our lair. Talvak had gotten the antenna up and running, and, according to him, either SE-89 or CX-13 would pick up the distress signal.
“So, here’s dinner.” I said, poking some leaves around the floor. The greens did have a visual appeal to them, and my stomach growled eagerly knowing that some form of sustenance was incoming. However, I couldn’t risk dying from toxins, so I broke open the plant, rubbed the inside of the plant against my lips, and waited. Nothing happened, aside from a vaguely distant scent drifting up to my nostrils, eliciting more saliva in my already desperate maw. Waiting a little more, to rule out the possibility of any ill reaction, I finally caved, and began to eat the improvised salad, Talvak following suit.
The leaves were nothing special, they were literally just common ground plants, better suited for some herbivorous animal. But, they were preferable to starvation. Finishing our meager meal, Talvak slinked off to a side of the cave, and curled up. I followed suit, except with the opposite rock wall making up my dormitory for the evening. There was no need to huddle for warmth, nor was there any equality in rank to warrant such physical closeness. I closed my eyes, and allowed oblivion to consume me.
—
I awoke with a start.
Footsteps
Was Talvak awake?
No, too many.
I sat up, and gazed around the dim cave. Something was wrong. I had sworn I had left a small beacon on, but it was turned off. My heart only dropped when I heard a pair of heavy steps stopped right in front of my face, and I felt a cold, hard cylinder press itself against my head.
First Previous Next

Less than a week ago a girl from my school called me and told me that my closest friend group, along with some other people, threw a huge party. Now this would not bother me in the slightest, and I had already known there was a groupchat without me in it. I figured I did not need to be invited to everything, so I let it go. That was until she called me
She had told me that they said shitty things about us in the group chat when they decided not to invite us. I read some screenshots. Best friend number 2's boyfriend said that I kill the vibe in every function I go to, and multiple people agreed along with best friend number 2, and my ex (who was actively trying to get me back while this was happening.) It was basically just "yeah theres no way shes coming" the same was pretty much said for the other girl. i dont want to get too much details in here because my friends are active on socials like reddit. but my ex in the groupchat also called me a hoe ass mf and a lot of them agreed.
after i learned this information, what hurt me the most was best friend number 1 and 2's disinterest in talking to me or apologizing. i am a really easy person to get things by. if they would have told me about the party, i would accept not being invited a lot easier. in the group chat they decided on the excuse that best friend number 1's boyfriend was not comfortable with me there (me and him have never gotten along, he is disloyal and he texted me to fight with me in the past) so i would have accepted that easily. The thing is when they did say that, i had already read the groupchat when they decided to say that. it was clearly a lie, they just did not want me there. they added me to a facetime, and instead of apologizing, they asked me how i found out. i just played dumb until the other girl texted them and let them know, because i did not know what to do. 3 of them were confronting me at once. after this call, at this point i was very frustrated and upset, so i left all of our groupchats and blocked them on instagram. i did have a brief interaction with best friend 2, she told me to cut them all off and go be friends with the girls i talk shit on. (we were all giving opinions on some stories and situations the day before this happened, and all girls involved know my opinions.) but i was so mad i told her to go get cheated on again. i blocked her after that. i know that was wrong of me. anyway, i forgot to block best friend number 1's main account on insta (she has two.) a day or so later, she had posted on her spam, saying that it is "crazy" that i had blocked one account and not the other. this post was shared to me by the other girl who wasnt invited's best friend. i felt like it spoke volumes that her best friend was invited, and instantly told us. VS my 2 best friends of four years not telling me, talking behind my back and lying to me. i was so angry i sent best friend number 1 a short paragraph on her instagram. i basically said im mad that she hung out with us the entire year and did us like that, and i was mad at her for lying to me, even though the truth would not have made me so mad. i defended the girl who was not invited in this paragraph, but that was not my main point. my main point was that we were friends for 4 years, and she did this to me. i blocked her on instagram after this.
her response was to send a screenshot of best friend number 2 saying "tell her that other girl who wasnt invited told people that OP faked sexual assault." this shook me to my very core. i was angry, i was sad, but over all i was mortified that my 2 best friends would even think to use this information against me. i had so many questions. like, why hold this information until now if you really cared? yes, the girl i am defending in this situation is fake for saying that about me, but i dont even care. she does not dictate whether or not it happened. i was hurt. i replied back with 5 points, basically the questions i had, telling her id never do this to them (i was not the best friend, i am not perfect, i am hot headed sometimes but i would never ever use assault to get under someones skin) and then told her i wanted to break it off maturely. i blocked her after that. its been nearly a week now.
for some background, i have struggled with depression-like symptoms and diagnosed PTSD, as well as diagnosed OCD, self harm, and ED's for a really long time. when i begin to ruminate on situations, i just cant stop and i have noticed that i have been thrown into a really deep depression. i have no motivation to do anything, and without my friends, i feel as if i have nothing. i am extremely lonely, and i am getting really dark thoughts on what to do about it. i saw that they have already replaced me as well, and i am feeling quite worthless. i know its stupid highschool drama (we will be seniors next year) but i think the mention of my assault made it so much worse. i feel like they never really understood me. i know i can be quite literally impulsive, and maybe even annoying, or too excited, and that makes me feel like i deserved everything they said. i am having some really heavy thoughts about suicide, and this hasnt happened in a really long time.
i just dont know what to do with myself. i need some tips on what to do when youre really depressed and having these thoughts. i did not want to relapse on self harm, but i have come to it a few times already. my trichotillomania (i pull my hair out) has gotten a lot worse, but i am not cutting or burning myself. I find it harder to eat, sleep, or do anything I enjoyed. i am currently in the middle of recovering from bulimia, and with this happening, i am having thoughts that i should start again.
i know i can be stronger than this. i just need some help and tips. i am young and i want to live, i want to escape these thoughts.
thank you for reading

A special thanks to u/SpacePaladin15 for the fantastical universe.
Have a really long chapter!
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Memory transcription subject: Jaxton, son of a humble sheep farmer
Date [standardized human time]: October 11th, 2136
If someone asked me years ago how many people would travel the globe just to see me. My answer would have been three; my father, my mother, and Dex Mason. My mother and father would have been simply obligated to do so, as I was their son, and I would have done the same thing. Dex was my best friend when I went to middle school in America, and he stayed my best friend when I went back to Wales, going back to Atlanta for many vacations.
What can I say? He had a nice collection of guns, and his general cheerful attitude made many people optimistic, so a day on the range with him led to the both of us being happier.
Then you add in Dex’s older and younger brothers, our mutual friend John Dillinger, and then you have a recipe for a fun time; guns, video games, hiking, and the occasional sheep herding if they ever come to my home: It’s a blast!
An alien porcupine though… I honestly never expected that I would ever in my honest-to-God lifetime, have such an impact on someone before. We barely knew each other for even a few minutes, yet she to my knowledge was merely some sad Gojid that was struggling with depression and loss. All I did was walk in and comfort her, or well, that’s how I saw it.
I still feel like an absolute idiot for forgetting about what I told her. It wasn’t a promise, but based on the implication of how I said it. It may as well have been a declaration to see the girl a few hours later, or however long it took her to get ready.
Now, speaking of Barlim, it’s been a few minutes since she arrived at my doorway at the most unexpected of times. I had her sitting in our living room on our couch. The Gojid, or Gojya, that I had to have explained to me, had her arms wrapped around one of our decorative pillows. She was giving squeezes every few seconds depending on how she felt, and if she was really giving it a firm squeeze, I’d reach over and stroke the top of her head. Barlim seemed to relax every time I did this.
“You holding up better?” Barlim appeared to be holding up better: No longer sobbing out tears from her eyes, or having mucus running from her nostrils.
She merely sniffed weakly for a second, nuzzling into my hand. If I had to admit, I had no idea if I was performing some massive social taboo by patting her like an animal, but if she wasn’t going to complain, neither was I. I mean, I already poked myself twice more! “I’m feeling much better. Sorry for intruding…”
“Don’t be,” I said while holding back a small laugh. “Are you feeling better enough to talk now?” Barlim’s ears flicked in response, and then she nodded in response upon realizing I didn’t know what those ear flicks meant. “Good.”
“Hey, I would just like to apologize for how I acted,” my mother started before I had the chance to speak. “It’s just that I’ve seen on the news and read of murderous xenophobic aliens…-”
“It’s fine,” Barlim let out the most adorable-sounding chittering noise I have ever heard. It sounded as if a porcupine was, well, laughing! “I would not have reacted much differently… Three days ago?” At least she could make fun of herself for how she acted. Her ears gave a few flicks, gesturing towards amusement or self-depreciation if I had to guess. They burned bright blue.
My father took a minute to stand up and walk over to Barlim. She only fidgeted a little bit, but not much when he reached out to her with one hand. “Jameson, again, it’s been pleasant to meet you so far.” The man’s hand hung in the air for several seconds. Barlim eyeing it up with what had to be a quizzical expression. “You’re supposed to grab it and firmly shake it,” my father eventually grunted.
“Oh!” That seemed to snap Barlim out of her stupor. She reached forward in kind with one paw, clasping her surprisingly big paw around my father’s hand, which he shook. The Gojid seemed to have a fair understanding of the action after a few seconds, at which point the handshake ended and my father returned to his seat.
A brief, quiet pause occupied the four of us before there was more knocking at the front door. “Oh, uh, that may be the rest of my friends. I sort of forgot about them when I realized we were so close.” The tips of Barlim’s ears turned a delicate shade of blue. She started to get up, but with a firm palm on the top of her head, I held her down, gently.
“You traveled a long way. Let me get the door,” I state and get up from the couch. My knees and back stretch, giving a satisfactory series of pops before I work my way to the front door. I decide against grabbing the mask, assuming that Barlim’s friends have gotten quite used to the infamous human binocular stare. When I open it, I see a rather eclectic group of individuals, some familiar and some not.
“Arwen, Trivi, Tova, and I take it Barlim’s friends.” Arwen and Trivi issue some friendly waves. Tova has her forearms clasped around Arwen’s neck from behind, jaw resting on the redhead’s shoulders. Her eyes are puffy and orange. It was pretty easy to assume what she had been going through. Meanwhile, the other three flick their ears and tails in a way that was most likely a greeting, but that was just me making an inference based on this being our first interaction, and them not giving waves in greeting.
I really need to learn Gojid and Venlil body language.
“Just delivering the rest of that one Gojid’s friends.” Arwen’s tone was the general cheerful tone it always was. She briefly stepped back from the door and swung an arm to the side, pointing to the three aliens behind her, doing so while under the weight of Tova.
“Barlim,” one of the Gojid said to Arwen. “My name is Pragh,” she then pointed over to another Gojid, “That’s Tack, and,” she indicated to the final Gojid, “That is Telg.” Again, the other two Gojid gave very similar flicks of the ears when they glanced at me with one of their eyes. “I take it you’re Jaxton?”
I couldn’t resist the urge to curl my lips upwards in a smile. The three Gojid didn’t flinch when I exposed my teeth, for which I was grateful. I really didn’t feel like bowing to more people than I needed to at the moment, having not gotten a particularly great amount of sleep last night was not a wise idea. “You’d be correct. It seems I’m the popular man of the hour. What can I do for you all?”
“Well, Tack and I were simply following Barlim, so we were going to stay with her until the UN or whoever really controls the whole Gojid refugee camp situation comes looking for us-”
I cut off Pragh with an amused tone. “So let me get this straight. You wanna come and mooch off my family for a bit because you have nowhere to stay at the moment?” I hold my tongue for just the slightest second, letting Gojid raise up her paws defensively. Even Arwen’s eyes widen briefly at what I just said.
“That’s not-” Pragh doesn’t speak for long before I dismissively wave my hand.
“I’m joking, yes, I’m sure my parents will allow you to stay for a bit, but you’ll have to clean up after yourselves, and all that stuff.” I lean up against the doorframe. “Ok though, jokes aside, what do you all want?”
Pragh rubbed her paws over her blue ears. “Yes, well, you did sort of hit one of them. I will admit, there was very little planning other than we’re going to Wales on our part. You don’t have to worry about Telg though.”
“I scored myself a date! Hah!~ So, I will be going back to Georgia in about an hour or two.” The Gojid paused, popped open one of the pockets on his hoodie, and took a peek inside at a slip of paper he pulled out. “Two hours, yeah, I have about an hour to spend here. So you and Tack are going to stay here?”
Pragh nodded to Telg’s words. “Yep, someone has to make sure Barlim continues to be a responsible Gojid. Also, I still have more research to do over the internet-”
“Ah yes, research, Pragh, research, am I right?~”
“No! Not that! I’m not going to be looking up that!”
The two male Gojid couldn’t help but hold back giggles and chitters, making me feel as if I was missing some sort of- Oh. The second it clicked for me, I just let out a long, slow sigh. “Please, let me just say that humanity is probably not whatever you found. Factory farms are a thing of the past.” Apparently, I was wrong, for the other two Gojid started laughing more uproariously, “Ok, I’m wrong it seems…” The gears proceeds to click a second time after realizing it was something a lot more bawdy than damning. I opened my mouth to say something but quickly realized that I wouldn’t have anything to follow up on if one of them decided to make any sort of accusation, so I quickly shut my plan to speak about that down. “How about you all just come inside now? Your friend Barlim already came by, and I’m pretty sure you all would like a break from your adventure.”
“Actually, Trvi and I were going to take Tova to my home. Might take her to the hospital if Quilix has calmed down. God, I wished they transported him to Ysbyty Gwynedd, but no. He had a freakout and had to be moved to London.”
“It’s all my fault…” The dark venlil whined.
Arwen’s hand managed to work its way between Tova’s ears, giving a few scritches. Scritches that Tova nuzzled into. “Come on you big, big venlil. I know you’re upset. Just, hang in there for a little while longer. I’m sure Quilix will come around. Let’s take you home, see ya Jaxton!” Arwen waved and carried the venlil toward the parked taxi in front of my house. Well, carried was a generous term for half-carry/half-assisted in guiding toward the car.
Trivi followed seconds later, giving his own bye and wave. “Tell your mother and father I said hi, see you tomorrow!” And with that, the blonde venlil scampered off, following after his human lover.
This left me with the three other hedgehog-looking aliens standing awkwardly in front of my door. They looked amongst themselves, thinking about saying something.
Wait, someone’s missing…
“Arf! Arf!”
The three Gojid who looked like they were about to say something all jumped about a foot in the air when Lacey came bounding through them, running straight past me into my home. “Oh, Lacey! Welcome ho- Oh, and ignored.” I shake my head upon hearing the following oof that comes from my father. Lacey must’ve claimed my father’s lap as her seat. “Well, if you want to come inside and meet the rest of my family. Come right on in.”
The next few minutes are filled with more pleasantries being exchanged. The Gojid all take their place on the couch, somehow managing to fit four of them on a couch meant for three. I end up choosing to stand by my father, who gently strokes Lacey across her back. The border collie panting jovially, looking back and forth between us and our alien guest, giving the occasional bark to beg for more attention.
The Gojid guests seem calm for the most part, sitting on that couch, but it is quite clear that the dog makes them uncomfortable since they flinch every time Lacey either makes a noise or stares at them with those heterochromatic eyes. “Not a fan of dogs, are you?” My father breaks the silence once it starts up again.
“I didn’t like…” Pragh started but stopped seconds later. “Listen, I believe you know why most Federation species don’t like humans, right?” Pragh’s words earned an affirmative grunt from my father. My mother and I nodded too. “Well, you’re all sapient and in control of your hunting instincts…” I raised my eyebrow at that but chose to say nothing. “That dog though-”
My father raised a hand, telling Praph to stop speaking for a moment. “I am going to have to stop you right there. Firstly, humans don’t, or we believe don’t have hunting instincts, and secondly, Lacey is a good girl that has harmed no person before, human or alien. I can assure you, as well as Quilix, Trivi, and Tova, that Lacey wouldn’t harm any of you, your pups, or anything else you will be worried about.”
Those few calmly spoken, but sternly voiced words are enough to calm the four Gojid down a fair amount. While I can’t see their muscles under their fur all that well, I can safely assume that their muscles grew lax at such information. Maybe we can do more to ease them around the dog while they’re here?
With an idea springing to mind, I take a few steps over to our old wooden hall tree. It is adorned with a few coats and hats, but what I am interested in is blue colored, six feet long rope of dog leash. The second it makes the lightest noise, Lacey is bolting toward me. “Eistedd!” The dog swiftly responds to the command: Hind quarters hitting the ground the second the word leaves my lips. I reach down and stroke the top of the dog’s head with one hand, getting a jovial arf out of her. “Merch dda, merch dda.~” I give the dog’s head a little bit more tender love with my palm and fingers before attaching the leash.
“Cefn.” I keep my voice low, coaxing Lacey into walking toward the couch.
The four Gojid, three of which have probably spent some time outside with the dog, all had a similar reaction when the dog came over: Paws came up off the ground, retracting safely onto the cushions above. It wasn’t really out of the border collie’s reach, but it was clearly instinctual-driven or propaganda-driven fear. “No need to be afraid, she won’t bite you - eistedd.” True to my words, Lacey gets close, sniffing along the edge of the sofa, but not jumping up onto the furniture.
“I see you’ve been practicing, Jaxton. You showing off for the guest?” My dad jokes.
“Hey, I don’t really get a good chance to speak Welsh. Dam- Darn it, really should’ve paid more attention in school. Might go get some lessons so I’m not part of the ten percent that can’t speak it. All I can do is shepherd a dog around, ask for the bathroom, a beer, where am I, and a few other things.” It’s hard not to let out a disappointed sigh. “I need to get off my backside and stop being so lazy.” I pause for one small moment. “And that probably translated for all of them to their native tongue. Doesn’t matter if I say it in English, Welsh, or honestly, Mandarin.”
My old man grins and laughs, leaning his back into the old rocking chair he claimed. My attention returns back to the dog, the fearful porcupine, and three scared hedgehogs.
The first one to reach out if I recall his name is Tack. The Gojid’s claws lightly brush the top of Lacey’s head in a tepid fashion. The dog stares back up at the curious paw; not growling, barking, yipping, biting, or making any sort of fuss that could freak out the apprehensive Gojid. Slowly, Lacey’s tail beings to wag as the curious touching continues for a few seconds. “Is that normal?”
“Mhm… Yes, dogs’ tails wag when they are happy. If she was really happy, she’d jump on you and start licking your face.”
The four Gojid recoiled with what looked like disgust: The thought of a predator’s maw all over their face, tasting them as if they were her next meal was probably what was coursing through their minds. “I think… That’s something I wouldn’t like from a non-sapient creature.” Telg adds in.
He says he doesn’t want it from a non-sapient, but what about a sapient? Oh, what wonderful thoughts this one has. I internally joked.
Both my father and mother let out an audible cough at Telg’s… Well, it could’ve been an indecent statement, or maybe licking was a sign of greeting? There was no way for me to know with my lack of knowledge of Gojid customs.
God damn; Gojid customs, language, body language, and Welsh! That was leaving out Venlil ear and tail signals as well! Too much to learn.
With a gentle nudge, I guide Lacey down the bottom of the couch, letting each Gojid get about a minute or two of bonding time with the goodest of girls. It’s only been a few minutes, but the four could be easily seen relaxing: Tack and Telg are both confident enough to let their paws touch the floor again.
From fearful of anything that ate meat their entire life to sort of fearfully allowing a dog to sniff them, or them to touch a dog, must be leaps and bounds beyond possibility months ago.
“So, you all more comfortable around dogs?”
I get a non-varied amount of reactions: All of them positive to a minor degree, but none are negative or super positive. “Good.”
With such a positive, or well, lacking in a negative reaction from our alien guests. I reach down and unhook the canine’s restraint. No one flinches and Lacey continues to sit for about another few seconds before lazily pacing around the front of the couch, sniffing at paws for some more time before retreating back beside my father’s feet.
“So… What’s the history between humans and dogs?” Pragh was the one that shot this question. One is no doubt born from the fact that we probably allowed a non-sapient predator into our home.
Well, if I was using their logic, of course: I wouldn’t be surprised if it came from ‘Wouldn’t predators eliminate the competition?’ if I had to guess.
“The history involving our canine companions is long and complex.” I reach behind my head to adust my blonde ponytail, tightening up the black band to keep my hair from falling in front of my face. “Most domesticated dogs you’ll see; German shepherds, border collies, Australian shepherds, golden retrievers, and on and on the list goes. I believe there are hundreds of breeds, but that is another tangent we can go on another date. What you’re more interested in is the history, as you have asked.”
I took a few steps around toward the front of the couch, using this new position to project my voice onto my alien audience. My parents had already heard this story a few times when they spoke with one of our dog breeders.
“It all started roughly speaking, thirty-thousand years ago.” I paused, totally for dramatic effect, but to also allow the Gojid to digest this fair-sized crumb of information. “Our competitor, an antagonizing species of persistent pack predators with a strong social bond, the wolf, would often invade human territories, and vice versa. You see, humans and wolves aren’t too dissimilar. We’re both highly social species, pursuit pack predators as I have heard, emotionally intelligent, highly adaptive, strong parental connections, and good communication skills. I can go into specific details another time, but those are some of the big traits we share. I’d say that the large preference for having a social structure coupled with good communication skills on both sides were the two assets that helped the most. Emotional intelligence and actual intelligence would probably be third and fourth. Dogs and wolves can be pretty smart.”
I take a moment again, allowing my audience to follow along with what I am saying, waiting to see if any of them have a question. “So due to these similarities, humans and these wolves cross species’ barriers?” The bipedal porcupine opined.
I nod to Barlim’s question. “Very close, but not quite.” I take a moment to swing a pointing finger down to Lacey. “I mean, as much as I love Lacey. I don’t see a dog diplomat coming through any time soon to argue for their sapience let alone an alliance.” I then straighten my posture back up, holding back a small laugh by letting a grin stretch across my lips. “It was more along the lines of wolves were desperate for food, and they’d feed off the scraps we humans left behind. This would go on for some time with the braver or more docile canines being allowed to slowly integrate with human society.”
“But they’re eating your scraps and food, but what do they do for you? Other than herd sheep? It just seems like your competition is swooping your food from under your nose, but… You’re not complaining at all.” Pragh was the one to ask that question.
Called it!
“These proto-dogs had many purposes! Just look at Lacey and you can probably see what she has that is superior to a human. Tell me what traits you can see.”
I give the four Gojid some time to look over the dog. They eventually look like they all have something to say, so I slide down the line of them; Pragh, Telg, Tack, and then finally Barlim.
“A better sense of smell to hunt for prey you can’t see?” Pragh opined.“Better hearing for locating threats?” Telg questioned.
“Sharp teeth and claws for fighting off other humans.” Tack would state rather confidently.
“To form an emotional connection with and to not feel lonely?” Barlim tilted her head to the side, giving the dog another look.
I let them stew over their answers for about thirty seconds to discuss amongst themselves. Needless to say, I was kind of shocked, but also not by Barlim’s answer. Maybe my time spent with her gave me some subconscious understanding of her mentality? The other Gojid all looked at her, so I assume her different answer probably made something click amongst all of them.
“Well, to answer your questions; yes, yes, yes, and yes. You’re all correct. Some may say that the first three are probably the priority.” This statement earns a chitter from the four Gojid occupying the couch. “But I like to have hope for that last one: When you’re by yourself. The world is a scary place after all. It’s best not to be alone. I believe you all have herds? Well, we humans have families, tribes, or nations, depending on how deep you wish to look into it, and yes, dogs can be a part of a human family. Family cares not from where the blood comes.”
“Quick question and not to side-track the conversation too far, but I was told by my date that humans dislike being called predators. Is that true here too, or was that a dialect or cultural thing?” Telg was the one throwing this question.
“It is that way here too. When humans refer to other humans as predators, it is because that other human is a gross pervert that does horrific, deviant, and sexual things toward other people, animals, or in this case now that aliens exist, aliens, so I would refrain from calling humans predators unless you personally know the individual and they are ok with it. That being said, humans define predator as more of a relationship adjective when between animals. A deer is a predator to plants as a wolf is a predator to a deer. It is the relationship of consumption rather than dietary traits.” I finish off my statement with a nod.
“Well… If you don’t mind me referring you to as a predator for one statement…” Telg droned on.
I take a brief glance over toward my parents. My dad gives me a nonchalant shrug. My gaze returns back to Telg. “Go ahead and shoot your question or statement at me.”
The four Gojid look stunned for a moment, off-put by something I said-
Oh, don’t tell me ‘shoot’ was predatory… Probably was.
“Just… throw out your question.”
“It was more of a statement, actually, but anyways. Family cares not from where the blood comes, has to be one of the most herd-like statement I have heard from a predator.”
Did he really just say that?
He really did, but I can’t fault him. From his point of view, he’s been spun so many times that up is down, and left is right.
I shake my head, lowering it. A small chuckle slipping from between my lips. I could even hear my mother and father laughing behind me a few seconds later.
“Was what I said really that funny?”
“No, just the logic behind it is kinda funny. Like I said, humans don’t normally refer to ourselves as predators, and this whole alien thing is kind of new to me.” My words carried upon by a light tone earns some laughs as well from our Gojid guests.
I clap my hands together, signaling the end of our little tangent. “Now, if I may resume my, if I do say so myself, informative explanation… The proto-dogs seamlessly integrated into our small tribes at the time; they could track threats and prey miles before we were even aware of them, they could hear the smallest sounds and alert us of their dangers. Moreover, their sharp teeth and claws served as deterrents against other threats such as large carnivores, food-stealing rodents, or hostile human forces. Additionally, their companionship provided solace to lonely humans. As you can see,” I pointed back to Lacey, who was having her back rubbed by my father’s sock-covered foot, “Lacey seems to be enjoying herself quite nicely, but so is my father. In short, interacting with dogs triggers the release of feel-good chemicals in both human and canine brains. Activities such as petting, snuggling, and playing contribute to this positive bond."
Again, I pause, giving everyone some time to follow along. “Thus, they’d impact our evolution and vice versa: Humans that had dogs in their tribes were more successful than tribes without dogs. Humans that bonded more effectively with their canine companions would get even farther. As millennia went by, humans would get better at reading dog expressions, and dogs would get better at reading human expressions.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I typed into it for a bit until an old photo of a wolf showed up. I turned my phone’s screen toward the four Gojid. “Here you can see a wolf. They aren’t extinct due to some wildlife restoration efforts, but we had a few close calls. Wolves are extinct in the UK and Ireland as of now, but not in North America, Europe, or Asia. What you see before you are what thirty-thousand years of evolution has done to us.”
Based on the look that the Gojid were giving me. I would guess it was along the lines of wow.
“Now, before you start asking more questions. I should let you know that humanity has not only domesticated one carnivorous species, but a few others as well; some birds of prey like falcons, felines, and mustelidae such as ferrets. Meanwhile, on the herbivorous side, we have horses, elephants, rabbits, and so on. Yeah, it’s quite a long list. Means more animals for us to pet and touch. Humans can bond with just about anything, even non-living things, but that’s a story for another time.”.
I perform a small stretch, feeling my back pop. A small break in the monotony of speaking for so long.
“Now, to go back to the human-dog bond. I should remind myself to tell you the story of Gelert. It’s quite a sad story, but bear with me for just a moment.”
I clear my throat, getting ready to speak out an old Welsh folklore myth.
“A long time ago, a prince of North Wales by the name of Llywelyn went out hunting without his trusty dog, Gelert. He’d return home later that day to see Gelert, covered in blood, jovially returning to him. This freaked out the prince, who rushed to his son’s crib, finding it knocked over and messy with blood. He feared that the dog had killed his son and immediately plunged his sword into the dog’s side.” The four Gojid wince at the description, having just been told of the forged bond I have described moments ago. “The dog’s pained cry heralds the cry of the prince’s infant son, who lay on the other side, protected from a slain wolf. Gelert had valiant fought to protect Llywelyn’s son from the wolf, and in so was rewarded with a blade through its heart! A tragic tale to discourage impulsive thoughts and rash rushes to judgment. It was said that the prince buried Gelert and never smiled again.”
I never considered myself a great storyteller, but somehow I managed to get the four Gojid all teary-eyed. Barlim was rubbing at her eyes once again, and so was Tack too.
“H-how could he have done that to the dog..?” Barlim’s meek voice trailed off.
“Well, as said, Llywelyn thought Gelert killed his son. It was a rash decision. This moral folklore is supposed to warn against such tragedies, speaking of which, isn’t there an extermination fleet heading this way?”
While I may have been speaking for so long, having taken all our attention away from the potential destruction of Earth, or the general mopey attitude that came from meeting Tova. It probably was wise to bring up the fact that armageddon was on its way to Earth.
The four Gojid just sort of looked down sheepishly at the ground or flicked their ears in a way that probably meant the same thing. I didn’t really mean to put them on the spot like that, considering it was some of their former allies committing this attack, but I guess that’s just how the cookie crumbles sometimes.
“I think I can speak for all of us here that we don’t-” Telg was interrupted by my father.
“We don’t blame you, or at least I can attest to myself, my son, and my wife over here. One day, assuming we survive this looming catastrophe. There will be regret, followed by hope, and then love and compassion once again. Though, I don’t think that’s what my son was hinting toward, more over the fact that your allies are about to make a rash decision they don’t understand. Probably one you would have made years ago, but that doesn’t really matter here, or there. We live in the now, and I think it’s time we started stocking up on some goods for our cellar. Well, we got goods actually, and a couple of guns too, but nothing fancy like the Americans and all their machine guns. A .30-30 lever action, an old .44 revolver, a twelve gauge shotgun, and a .22 hunting rifle. Nothing fancy,” he shrugs and grunts. “I’m more worried about my sheep. The best we can do is pray they don’t shoot the barn.”
There’s a brief silence as the seven of us come down from the long monologue that was dispersed between moments of questionnaires. I rub one of my eyes, stretching my jaw open wide in a hand-covered yawn.
How long have by been talking?
“Sprak! I gotta go or I am going to miss my flight!” Telg clamors, quickly hopping off the couch. He quickly taps at his phone with his claws, making his way toward the front door. “See you guys later, and thanks for letting us stay! Yes, I know how to call a taxi!” He opens the door and bolts outside. At least had the manners to close it back without slamming it.
This left us with three Gojid!
“Well,” my mother stood up from her chair. “I’m certain you’re all hungry after such a long adventure, and Telg is probably too, but he’s gone already. Let me see if I can make you all something to eat…” She hesitates for a second before continuing. “Nothing with meat or animal products in it. Just vegetables and fruit,” she iterates before walking off to the kitchen, leaving my father and I with the three Gojid.
You know, that leaves one important question that’s been on my mind. One that I had asked Barlim, but have been quickly distracted by her onslaught of sudden tears due to my forgetful nature. “A quick question if I may have your attention.”
The three Gojid turned their attention toward me, looking at me as they awaited my question
“How the hell did you all get here?”
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Fine. I admit it.
The Royal Dawn is a really nice hotel.
And the best part is, after my... demonstration to the Administrative offices today, I didn't have to order the Hotel to give us some rooms! They just offered rooms to us the minute we walked in!
I was given 'The Empress Suite.' I giggled at the name. I wonder if this had something to do with the royal retinue back in the day. Between the opulence, the name, and the theme it feels possible.
It is possible. There was always more than the Throne for you and your retinue. Every Starbase competed to offer you the most luxurious accommodations. After all, if you didn't like them, you could just rest on your starship.
My room - my suite of rooms actually - are easily the nicest place I've slept in my entire life. I made sure Omar, Ava, Um'reli and I each had our own rooms and while I'm glad that they have their own space, I'm too used to being around other people in the close quarters of FarReach or Starbases back home. I rattle around the rooms opening cabinets and drawers until I see it in the corner near a window overlooking the promenade.
They have a bath here!
It's made of some kind of golden flecked white stone, and is carved to look like it was weathered by the wind and water over millions of years. I figure out the taps, and set a bath going.
Once it's finished, I take off my outfit - Ugh, I wish I packed, this is my only clothes unless I use the Nanites to make more - and slip into the bath. It's blissfully relaxing.
I'm laying back in the tub, just floating, and I wish Ava was here with me.
Where did that come from?
I think for a split second about calling her in, but decide against it. I'm sure she'd come running if I called, I'm sure she'd be... enthusiastic about it, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I comfort myself with the thought, and soak for nearly an hour.
After, I dry and climb into the bed naked. I'll deal with clothes tomorrow.
More wild dreams.
My ship, operated and led by my most trusted Builder, Aeche, carries us to her prized Starbase. Built on her order for me, it's beautiful. She takes me on a tour, and we visit all of the highlights. She is especially proud of the transit system, the largest off planet in the Empire.
A team of 10 Builders live and work at the Reach operating in shifts to make sure all the needs of the residents and builders that live here are taken care of. It's one of the most complex Starbases yet and one of the most impressive.
That night, she comes to my rooms while I'm in the bath. She asks to join me, and I accept. For her, this is a culmination of months of jockeying and positioning to catch my eye, it's the realization of a goal years in the making.
For me, it's a fun night. She is easy on the eyes though, I see no harm in keeping her around for a while.
The next day, she leads me to the Throne. The only larger one exists back home on Imperia and I get the impression that this one is smaller only out of courtesy.
Sitting upon the Throne, with a full contingent of Builders behind me, I'm able to instantly take stock of my Empire. Things are going well. There are new reports from the frontier, and I set them to my ship, Worldshaker, so I have something to read while en route to the K'laxi.
This is the last stop before I go see the K'laxi, turn their Gate back on and remind them what the price of insubordination is. Worldshaker is getting reprovisioned and refreshed as the trip is longer than normal and I want to make sure we can stay a while if needed. On my way out, I'll touch the Gate, and commit an upload.
That night, Aeche visits me again, and we have more fun. After, we go to bed and I lay awake thinking about next steps. Aeche sighs and rolls over in her sleep next to me. I stroke her hair gently. Yes, things are going quiet well. It's nice to have some quiet.
I wake up in my bed, alone, in the hotel room, fully myself again. Not only was that the most... idyllic dream I've had yet, it's the first that I felt like it was me doing the things, not some other Empress.
Yes, the Nanites are doing well. You can probably integrate with the Throne if you were to try. It's up to you however. But remember you told The Smell of Soil after Rain to bring everyone today. We should head over there.
Hmm Good point. Okay, let's get up, get dressed, grab everyone and head over. I look over at my outfit from yesterday. It's nice, and it's impressive, but if I'm going to be presenting as Empress to everyone, I need something... more.
I concentrate and think about what would be right. I don't think about specifics, I let the Nanites take my whims into consideration and see what I get. The fog cloud of them surrounds me and my outfit from yesterday and I when they finish I turn and look in the mirror near the bath.
I'm still in royal blue - good, I like that color - but the outfit now is a... strapless ball gown? It's rather severely low cut - I wonder if that's from dreaming about Aeche - and the dress clings on the top half and billows and flows on the lower half and ends in sparking stars and nebulae on a train that flows behind me, rippling gently as if a breeze is blowing it. I check and... yes, it's not touching the ground. That's a neat trick. I'm wearing taller heels than yesterday too, but at least they're comfortable - for now. It's not something that Lieutenant Mullen would ever wear, but it seems... right for Empress Melody The First. I'll roll with it. In deference to who I am, there is a way to mount my rifle on my back. I click it in place and feel complete. I wonder how many Empresses were armed?
Many were. We even have records of a few who would carry a battle rifle with them.
That brings me some happiness. Even after how different we are, there are still some things that I share with Empresses across time.
As I open the door to leave, I see Omar, Ava and Um'reli in the hall already dressed and ready. They turn to see me and Ava and Um'reli both gasp and blush. Omar grins wickedly. "Melody, I have to say that this is the first time since you told us you were an Empress that you look the part. That is an amazing outfit."
I curtsy slightly "Thank you Omar. Did you all sleep well? I have a hunch with the Nanites you had... intense dreams?"
Ava snaps her had up to me. "I did! I dreamt that I was running a Starbase. We were preparing for your visit and I had so much to do, but I knew how to do all of it, and I had a really strong team, and you complimented our readiness when you arrived!"
Um'reli looks at me with an odd expression. "I did too, but... I dreamt I was a human. A Builder. I was operating a Starship, the Sunrunner. We were tasked by you directly to tour the frontier worlds and build a report about how they were doing, if they needed anything and if we thought there was any unrest. We were very proud because you had personally asked for us."
"What about you Omar?" Ava turns and looks at him.
"Yeah, I had a vivid dream. I dreamt that I was a planetary administrator. I ruled over more than a billion people on a world with two suns. One was white and the other was larger and redder. I remember clearly the odd shadows it cast, and how everything had an odd coloration. You had requested an increase in the delivery of Magnesium. We were able to meet the new quota this time, but I was worried that if you had requested to keep the quote high, how we would be able to make it without overworking the miners."
"Wow, so not only did you dream about being a Builder, not only did you dream about being a powerful Builder, but you all were in direct contact with the Empress. I wonder if that's because you received your Nanites from me directly."
"Who knows?" Um'reli looks at all of us. "But I for one am starving. Let's get some breakfast and go back to the Throne. Melody has a performance to give."
We head downstairs and sure enough there is a restaurant attached to the Hotel. We sit down and immediately I ask for a carafe of boiling hot water to be brought. While we wait, I take out my hand grinder and scale and make some coffee. By the time the water arrives, everything is ready. The Mariens who brought me the water is watching curiously as I make the coffee. Soon enough, it's finished, and I take the first sip of coffee in nearly three days.
Ahh, now, I can rule.
"Pardon my asking, Empress, but what is that?" The Mariens points to my beverage.
"It's called coffee. It's the roasted seed of a plant that's native to the planet we lived on. I like to drink an extraction of it made with boiling water. It does have a chemical, called caffeine, that offers a stimulant effect to Hu-Builders, but we've found it to be toxic to other Sapients, like our friends the K'laxi here. You can smell it if you'd like though." I hold out the cup.
The Mariens leans in and gently inhales. They lean back sharply and look at me. "That smells amazing." Their body language expresses wonder. "Truly, the Builders do amazing things. Now, what will you be having for breakfast?"
We order and eat and walk towards the Throne. As we're walking this time, people are not ignoring us. Children wave, people follow us with their eyes. They don't seem to be fearful of us, more respectful this time. As we turn a corner, I see Rapid River Roaring and The Smell of the Ocean. They look worse for wear. Both of them have matted feathers, even a few bare spots. Wild eyed they're looking around. River is clutching a bag of some kind.
Uh oh.
They turn and see me. Relief washes over them and they run up to me "Empress! My Empress!" They both approach me and bow low, head touching the ground. "We have completed your task. We have found Vivvix and Zemmlin and brought them to you."
Ava looks around. "But, where are they?"
I know where they are.
River opens the bag they're carrying.
Inside are most of Vivvix and Zemmlin.
"I see..." I try to not look unsettled. Omar's face darkens and he turns away. Ava look in and nods, satisfied. Um'reli doesn't look in, but she isn't unsettled by this development either.
Well. What's done is done. "I would have preferred they be brought to me alive, but my fault for not specifying that. Where were they?"
"The cowards were hiding in the docks. They were attempting to board another ship and catch up to that traitor, Ottarn. We were able to surprise them, and carried out your order, Empress."
"Yes, I can see that. Er, thank you both for your hard work. Go to High Line and find Starlight on a Moonless Evening. After this presentation, I plan on visiting the ship to assess it for refitting.
They both bow again. "Empress."
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